Here we are with the 43rd edition of Ain’t That America. I never thought it would last this long, but I do feel an end in sight … an end to wars for profit from the “Peace” President … an end to the grift … to the gold-leafing of America … and end to the goose-stepping GOP … a rise in voting … a rise in Democrats stepping up and speaking up and doing the work of We The People … so let’s go: 
Senate Republicans are seeking reassurances from the Regime on guardrails for Cankles $1.8 billion Reparations For Traitors fund to compensate people who attacked the Capitol because they were butt-hurt Cankles lost, was a loser, did not win, failed etc. Playacting Attorney General, and Cankles’ Bitch, Todd Blanche met with Senate Republicans and it turned into a shriek-fest refused demands that the most violent Capitol rioters be barred from getting payouts. Yes, he refused demands to pay off the most violent rioters.
As a presidential candidate, Cankles painted his opponents as trigger-happy interventionists who would get the US bogged down in forever wars, up to and including World War III. And since we know every Cankles Accusation Is An Admission™ Cankles has racked up a list of countries he’s both threatened to attack and actually attacked and this week added Oman to the list because he doesn’t know where it is or what to call the people of Oman—seriously he threatened Oman if it tries to control the Strait of Hormuz along with Iran. Oman is at least the 15th country that he has either threatened to attack, left open the possibility of attacking, or actually attacked during his two terms as Draft-Dodging-Warmonger-In-Chief.
Not for the first time, clearly suffering from dementia or being the dumbest human in the world, Cankles once again confused Iran with Venezuela again:
“I don’t go into war, I go into conflict… Despite the conflict with Venezuela who no longer has a navy, no longer has an air force, no longer has a lot of people that were leading the country into very bad places. Their leadership is gone. Their second is gone. We’re dealing with half of their third as half of their third is gone too.” Demented and stupid.
Vice President JD CouchFucker Vance was mocked by, well, nearly everyone in the world, when he said during a speech on the economy:
“If you want to rebuild the American Dream for the next generation, vote against the crazy leadership in Washington, D.C.” Finally the truth from someone in the regime.
The day the “Freedom 250” concert series was announced, rapper Young MC announced he was backing out of the government-sponsored partisan festival taking place on the National Lawn in Washington, D.C.. His exit followed Morris Day‘s statement that he and the Time didn’t have the, um, er, time to perform either. Meanwhile, C+C Music Factory frontman Freedom Williams posted a profanity-laced message in saying they would also back out of the show after learning about Cankles Trump involvement but then he backtracked and said C+C Music Factory might go ahead with the gig after all, to show he was impervious to the backlash and because no one knows who C+C Music Factory is and they need the coins. Last week Bret Michaels and Martina McBride withdrew from the line-up leaving just C+C Music Factory, Vanilla Ice, Milli Vanilli’s Fab Morvan, Flo Rida and Kid Rock. Sounds like a Who’s Who of Who’s That? PS You cannot make this shiz up, but after so many people backed out of The Cankles Shit Show™ Cankles himself has announced he will headline the event.
Cankles is once again bragging about the latest rounds of tests he’s undergone at Walter Reed Military Medical Center:
“Unlike other U.S. Presidents, none of whom have ever taken an approved, high difficulty, Cognitive Test, I scored a perfect 30 out of 30, considered ‘extreme intelligence’ … In fact, this is my fourth such test, all PERFECT or, 120 correct answers out of 120 questions asked! It is very rare that anyone gets a Perfect Score, especially when achieved four times in a row.” It’s also rare that anyone needs to take four cognitive tests in one year unless there’s something wrong … like they’re a demented fuckwit, perhaps?
Utah GOP Senator and Certified Lunatic™ Mike Lee left critics dumbfounded after posting on X that James Talarico, the Democratic nominee for Senate from Texas, would engage in religious child sacrifice:
“James Talarico will put you first… On the altar to Moloch.” A reference to the ancient figure of Moloch mentioned in the Hebrew Bible and associated with child sacrifice. Seriously.
South Carolina Senator and the reigning Miss Corn Hole, Lindsey Graham, one of the biggest war hawks in Congress, stopped by Fox News’ Hannity to discuss Cankles’ vow that any agreement to end the war should include a requirement for Middle Eastern countries—including Saudi Arabia and Qatar—to join the Abraham Accords, a treaty Cankles helped broker during his first term to normalize relations between Arab countries and Israel:
“If he can pull this off, if he can get Saudi Arabia—the center of Islam for the entire world—to recognize the Jewish state of Israel, he will have ended the Arab-Israeli conflict that’s been going on for thousands of years. They should change the Nobel Prize to the [Cankles] Prize.” I believe he went on to also say they should redesign the Peace Prize to look like Cankles’ anus so Miss Lindsey could come by the White House and kiss it every day.
In an April 11 Truth Social post, Cankles wrote:
“The United States has completely destroyed Iran’s Military, including their entire Navy and Air Force, and everything else. Their Leadership is DEAD!” This week he claimed:
“Their Navy is totally gone ... Their Air Force is totally gone ... Their military, we’ve sort of left it alone—because we think that their military is somewhat moderate. They have other people that aren’t moderate. We’ve taken them out. We’ve taking different forms of leadership out. We’ve actually left their military alone. People would be surprised to hear that. Because mistakes have been made in wars where you wipe out everybody and then you have a country that for 40 years can never rebuild.” Again, the dementia is real.
James Talarico, the Democratic nominee for US Senate in Texas, raised more than $3 million in the first 24 hours after Texas AG and Criminal Ken Paxton emerged as his Republican opponent:
“Texans are uniting behind our campaign to defeat (Paxton) and the broken, corrupt political system he embodies.” Good work Texas, now get out there and Vote Blue.
Gavin Newsom vowed to tax any payouts that California residents receive from that $1.8 billion Reparations For Traitors fund that Cankles created:
“Anyone from California that receives any of those funds, we want to tax 100% of those proceeds.” Newsom’s pledge mirrors legislation unveiled in New York by Democrat Alex Bores, state assembly member and House candidate, that would also assess a 100% tax against payouts from the fund.
Last week US District Judge Christopher Cooper ordered that Cankles name be scraped off the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts and granted Democrat Representative Joyce Beatty’s request for a preliminary injunction to block Cankles from closing the institution. The judge ordered Kennedy Center officials to scrape off Cankles’ name within two weeks.
Former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg is leading in new polling on a hypothetical Democratic presidential primary. A new Emerson College Polling survey puts Buttigieg at the top of the pack with 18% followed by California Governor Gavin Newsom at 165; AOC has 11% support, while Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro and former Vice President Kamala Harris are at 10% each. Sure it’s early but it’s already an impressive field compared to alleged GOP choices JD "CouchFucker" Vance and Marco "Where Am I" Rubio.
 The No Kings Movement has announced a nationwide event for June 14 directly counter-programming Cankles Dementia celebrations and a Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) bout on the south lawn of the newly named White Trash House. The centerpiece is a 90-minute concert at New York’s Town Hall featuring entertainer Bette Midler, songwriter Patti Smith, actor Jane Fonda, musician Rufus Wainwright and commentator Joy Reid – streaming free nationwide, while local groups host watch parties across the country. The event is co-presented by the Committee for the First Amendment, a coalition of artists and cultural figures, and frames the US’s 250th anniversary as a moment of democratic reckoning. Get out and march and resist and cast a goddamned vote. |
