The Funny Papers

Benjamin Slyngstad, Pedro X Molina, RJ Matson, Bill Bramhall, Michael de Adder, Max Espinoza, Gary Huck, Andres Edery, Adam Zyglis, Marc Murphy, Clay Bennett,

Why Is It ...

… that I get no credit whatsoever for helping people deal with a trying time. I mean, instead of saying “Fuck off,” I always ask, “How can I help you fuck off?”

… that people don’t understand that Facebook is just a tool for me to be a menace to society

… that people always come up to me with their feel good granola kumbaya motivational crap but when I say to them, “Reach for the stars because even if you miss you’ll be miles away from me,” they call me mean.

… that people don’t see that while I am a red flag the material is quality

... that whenever I go to a shop selling essential oils and ask for the one that calms people down, they me offer lilac or some shiz and not the Chloroform I asked for

… that anyone who has distanced themselves from me, I kindly say, ‘Stay there, and Thank you.’

… that I know I don’t have to be so sarcastic but the world has given me so much to work and I would hate to be wasteful.

… that one of my toxic traits is saying “Nice talk” after saying something and it gets ignored.

… that when a co-worker asked why I was so irritated since I’d just clocked in, I said, ‘It’s spillover from yesterday. MOVE!’

… that when I first meet people I’m very shy, then boom! I’m a whole podcast with no mute button or Off switch.

I Didn't Say It ...

Micayla Pretti, Alex Pretti’s sister, on his murder by ICEstapo agents:

“Alex was kind, generous, and had a way of lighting up every room he walked into. He was incredibly intelligent and deeply passionate, and he made people feel safe. But most importantly, he was my brother. I had the privilege of being his little sister for 32 years. I will never be able to hug him, laugh with him, or cry to him again because of those thugs—and that is a pain no words can fully capture. Alex always wanted to make a difference in this world, and it’s devastating that he won’t be here to witness the impact he was making. Through his work at the VA caring for the sickest patients, and passion to advance cancer research, he touched more lives than he probably ever realized. All Alex ever wanted was to help someone—anyone. Even in his very last moments on this earth, he was simply trying to do just that. I want to thank everyone who has reached out to my family and me, whether you knew Alex personally or not. The messages, posts, and overwhelming positivity shared about him truly reflect his character, work ethic, and passions. My brother is, and always will be, my hero. When does this end? How many more innocent lives must be lost before we say enough? Hearing disgusting lies spread about my brother is absolutely gut-wrenching, and my family is deeply grateful so many people have stood up and helped tell his truth. He would be very proud.”

We all should start acting like Alex and Renee and if more and more of us stand up, fewer and fewer of us will be shot dead in the streets by paid government thugs.

Rest in power, Alex

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Joe Biden, former president, on the murder of Alex Pretti and the ICEstapo:

“What has unfolded in Minneapolis this past month betrays our most basic values as Americans. We are not a nation that guns down our citizens in the street. We are not a nation that allows our citizens to be brutalized for exercising their constitutional rights. We are not a nation that tramples the 4th Amendment and tolerates our neighbors being terrorized. The people of Minnesota have stood strong—helping community members in unimaginable circumstances, speaking out against injustice when they see it, and holding our government accountable to the people. Minnesotans have reminded us all what it is to be American, and they have suffered enough at the hands of this Administration. Violence and terror have no place in the United States of America, especially when it’s our own government targeting American citizens. No single person can destroy what America stands for and believes in, not even a President, if we—all of America—stand up and speak out. We know who we are. It’s time to show the world. More importantly, it’s time to show ourselves. Now, justice requires full, fair, and transparent investigations into the deaths of the two Americans who lost their lives in the city they called home. Jill and I are sending strength to the families and communities who love Alex Pretti and Renee Good as we all mourn their senseless deaths.”

Be like Joe. Stand up and speak up or more Americans will die at the hands of Cankles, Miller, Patel and Noem.

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Glenn Close, actor,  incinerates Cankles in the wake of Alex Pretti's murder:

"Since what happened again in Minneapolis, I just feel compelled to say something, so I've actually written something that I'm going to read. I have been mostly out of the U.S. since this past September, so I've watched for the rest of the world, our democracy being systematically disemboweled and torn apart, along with the institutions which in the near past, though never perfect, have stabilized our society and supported the American people. I am outraged and sickened by what is happening under the Trump regime, the cruelty, inhumanity, and arrogance, the voracious corruption, the cowardice, the sickening hypocrisy, the blatant manipulation of facts, and now the cold-blooded murder of American citizens. I have felt for a long time that there are thousands and thousands of American citizens with cellars full of guns [and] I fear that ICE is giving them the excuse to pull the trigger. Humans, our conflicted species, since we ventured out of the caves, we have been tribal, territorial, and violent. The United States of America has been tribal, territorial, and violent from the very beginning. Democracy is the most idealistic and ambitious form of government because it demands that all individuals participate for the good of everyone, for society. E pluribus unum, out of many, one. Never perfect because we are imperfect, but at its core, the idea that all of us are created equal and have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness was revolutionary when it was conceived, and it still is. Not the pursuit of enemies or the pursuit of great riches that means the impoverishment of others, but of happiness. Democracy demands compromise, but compromise doesn't mean to sell out for personal gain or revenge. I feel, I sense, from over here that the great American body politic is stirring, waking up, and taking in what's going on, what the Trump regime is attempting to do to our beloved country and its citizens. It is waking up and taking note, and mark my words, there will be hell to pay."

I sure hope America is waking up; if the senseless murders to two Americans shot dead in their own hometowns by the government doesn’t wake people up I don’t know what will.

We can save America from this fascist hate-filled but only if we stand together and reject it as one.

Sidenote: there are those who say celebrities should not speak politically but, like all Americans, it is their right to do so. Close is speaking as a citizen and American and a human being disgusted by what this regime is doing to the United States.

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John Curtis, Republican Senator from Utah, rips into Kristi Noem for her despicable comments about murder victim Alex Pretti:

"You’ve trusted me, and maintaining that trust matters. I’ve worked hard to be your eyes, ears, and voice. We must have a transparent, independent investigation into the Minnesota shooting, and those responsible—no matter their title—must be held accountable. Officials who rush to judgment before all the facts are known undermine public trust and the law-enforcement mission. I disagree with Secretary Noem’s premature DHS response, which came before all the facts were known and weakened confidence. I will be working with a bipartisan group of senators to demand real oversight and transparency, including supporting calls … for leaders of these operations to testify, so trust can be restored and justice served."

We need to shine a light on this intentional coverup of two murders by the Cankles Regime. Kristi DogKiller falsely accused Alex Pretti of plotting a "massacre" of law enforcement and engaging in "domestic terrorism" Stephen Pee Wee German Miller echoed those sentiments.

Tall without one shred of evidence and notice that when the truth was revealed, that Alex Pretti never brandished a gun, both DogKiller and Pee Wee started blaming each other.

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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Democrat Representative from New York, on the hypocrisy of the Cankles Regime attacking Alex Pretti while it praises armed right-wing protesters:

“How rich is it that [Noem] is saying [that] showing up to the scene of a protest with a legally owned weapon should be grounds for a person’s death, execution at the hands of the state, by the same party and the same administration that praises Kyle Rittenhouse? When she is talking about how merely showing up and inciting violence based on ideology against the government, when this administration has pardoned hundreds of January 6th rioters who have then gone out into the streets and recommitted crimes of violence over and over again. What Secretary Noem is saying is not that you can’t do these things, is not that you can’t be armed, is not that you can’t attack your government. She just thinks that you can’t do that based on your political affiliation. The uncorking of chaos that this administration is trying to attempt against the American people is escalatory, it is dangerous and it is a complete abdication of leadership. We cannot go down this road. We cannot have countrymen against countrymen, citizen against citizen. This is not the America that we believe in. It is not the America that we stand in and we must unite together against this kind of very dangerous splintering that they are seeking to incite against people and divide us.”

Interesting now is that Noem is saying … wait for it, how does she NAZI how this sounds … she was just following orders from Miller and Cankles.

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Jimmy Kimmel, late night talk show host, on the murders of Renee Nicole Good and Alex Pretti:

“I spent the weekend—like probably a lot of you did—looking at my phone and just feeling shocked and sick about what is happening in Minneapolis. One video after another. Screaming people being torn from their families, Americans—people who were born in the United States—being pulled out of their cars for the crime of having an accent or whatever, children—small children, babies—being tear-gassed, taken into custody, separated from their parents. Just one atrocity after another being committed by this gang of poorly-trained, shamefully-led, mask-wearing goons. And that is what they are—they’re goons committing vile, heartless, and even criminal acts. And it’s sickening to watch, and it’s frustrating to watch. It’s like we’re all being forced to play a game that has no rules. They just make up the rules as they go along. We see these videos—in which we clearly see one of our fellow Americans executed by ICE—and they won’t even admit that it was a mistake! They say the Honda SUV Renee Good was driving was 'weaponized,' they say the gun Alex Pretti had a license to carry in an open carry state—a right many of these same people screamed very loud about when it was Kyle Rittenhouse carrying the gun—a gun that Alex Pretti did not even draw, did not touch, a gun that was taken from him by one of the agents before he was shot dead by the other ones. They fired 10 times onto an ICU nurse, they’re telling us, ‘well, it was justified, you know?’ Is that the law and order that you voted for, if you voted for this? Every day is a nightmare now. My wife and I have family in Minneapolis. They’re afraid to take their kids to school. They’re afraid to go to work. And I can only imagine how people who aren’t white feel about this! How does this end? What’s the plan here? Is the plan to just keep doing this in every city that didn’t vote for [him]? Does anyone on any side believe this is good leadership? We keep saying we need to find subjects that we can agree on. Can we agree that peaceful protestors—including moms driving SUVs on their way back after dropping their six-year-old off at school and a nurse who stepped in to protect a woman from harm—don’t deserve to be shot dead in the street by the people we are paying to protect us? Can we agree on that? Can we agree that when we see a person murdered in cold blood, that there should at least be an investigation of that? And that our ironically titled ‘Head of Homeland Security’ has the responsibility to get facts before telling us that what we saw, we did not see? If we can’t agree on that, forget it then. Let’s cut the bullshit already. If that was ISIS, instead of ICE, we’d be firing missiles at somebody and pledging allegiance to the flag all together right now. Watch that video, watch every angle, as upsetting as it might be, and decide for yourself if that’s making America great. And if it isn’t, please say something about it. And if our leaders aren’t even trying to reduce the amount of chaos in the street rather than exacerbating it, if our leaders are intentionally creating and encouraging violence and fear, then I hope you will also agree, we need new leaders. Because these are not leaders. And to the people of Minneapolis—to the Pretti family and the Good family and these people who were looking out for their neighbors, we want you to know that we are with you and you are not alone”

We are not alone, but we need to put our phones down and raise our voices and cast our votes and stand against the murderers in the White House and in our government.

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Amanda Gorman, National Youth Poet Laureate, composed two powerful poems for Alex Pretti and Renee Nicole Good after their murders at the hands of Cankles’ and Noem’s ICEstapo:

For Alex Jeffrey Pretti

"    We wake with

no words, just woe

    & wound. Our own country shoot

    ing us in the back is not just brutal

    ity; it’s jarring betrayal; not enforcement,

    but execution. A message: Love your people & you

    will die. Yet our greatest threat isn’t the outsiders

    among us, but those among us who never look

within. Fear not the those without papers, but those

without conscience. Know that to care intensively,

united, is to carry both pain-dark horror for today

& a profound, daring hope for tomorrow. We can feel

we have nothing to give, & still be love this world wait

ing, trembling to change. If we cannot find words, may

we find the will; if we ever lose hope, may we never lose our

humanity.

The only undying thing is mercy, the courage to open

    ourselves like doors, hug our neighbor,

    & save one more bright, impossible life.”

 

For Renee Nicole Good

"They say she is no more,

That there her absence roars,

Blood-blown like a rose.

Iced wheels flinched and froze.

Now, bare riot of candles,

Dark fury of flowers,

Pure howling of hymns.

If for us she arose,

Somewhere, in the pitched deep of our grief, 

Crouches our power,

The howl where we begin,

Straining upon the edge of the crooked crater,

Of the worst of what we've been.

Change is only possible,

& all the greater, 

When the labour

& bitter anger of our neighbors

Is moved by the love

& better nature of our angels.

What they call death & void,

We know as breath & void;

In the end, gorgeously

Endures our enormity.

You could believe departed to be the dawn

When the blank night has so long stood.

But our bright-fled angels will never fully be gone,

When they forever are so fiercely Good."

She’s speaking for, and to, all of us.

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Bobservations

First off, thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. Tuesday was the day of my birth, but the celebration is a weeklong event. Carlos gifted me a day to myself on Tuesday as he had a conference to attend in Columbia and we will celebrate with a meal at one of our favorite restaurants in Asheville this weekend IF it doesn’t snow as predicted; in that case we’ll dine closer to home … 

So this past weekend we waited for The Storm. They said snow on Saturday with sub-freezing temperatures and then an ice storm on Sunday taking out trees and knocking out power.

Yeah; not so much. We got about an inch of snow that was gone before noon and then ice storm apparently melted before it arrived but …

On Sunday it was quite cold and Carlos decided to practice his trumpet in the sunroom with two of the four sliders open to the 20-degree air.

This from the man who drops an F-bomb every morning that the temperature is 35-degrees or less.

This from the man who sleeps under five blankets while wearing three pairs of socks, long underwear, sweatpants and a sweater.

But standing in a 20-degree sunroom? Now it was my turn for the F-bombs!

This Tuxedo Says is from August 2021 ...

Tuxedo watches a lot of CNN—like his daddy he has a wee crush on Anderson Cooper, whom he calls his Owner-In-My-Head … where does he come up with these things—and is amazed at the way Republicans think …or don’t actually think.

While we must remember Renee Nicole Good and Alex Pretti, ICE agents have also been responsible for the deaths of seven people of color since the first on the year.

Top Row, left to right:

Keith Porter Jr. was fatally shot by an off-duty ICE agent on New Year’s Eve outside his apartment complex. An LAPD spokesperson said Porter had fired gunshots into the air and a DHS spokesperson said the off-duty ICEstapo officer was “forced to defensively use his weapon” but offers no evidence to support that.

Parady La, Cambodian refugee, died while being held in ICEstapo custody at the Federal Detention Center in Philadelphia. He passed away after suffering severe drug withdrawal, with his family alleging medical neglect. 

Heber Sanchez Domínguez, a Mexican citizen, died while in ICEstapo custody at the Robert A. Deyton Detention Center in Georgia. The cause of death is currently under investigation. 

Victor Manuel Diaz, from Nicaragua, died in ICEstapo custody at Camp East Montana in El Paso, Texas. DHS says Diaz died of a presumed suicide but  the official cause of his death remains under investigation.

Bottom Row, left to right:

Luis Beltran Yanez-Cruz, from Honduras, died while under the custody of the ICEstapo after suffering a heart-related medical issue; his death is also under investigation.

Luis Gustavo Nunez Caceres, a Honduran citizen, died in ICEstapo custody in Texas of “complications related to congenital heart failure.”

Geraldo Lunas Campos, from Cuba,  died in custody at the ICEstapo detention center in Camp East Montana; the cause of death was "asphyxia due to neck and torso compression."

Last year, 32 people died in ICE custody, the most in a single year since the agency was created. 

Add their names to your rage.

Ticket sales for Amazon’s $40,000,000 documentary about the Slovenian Hooker’s return to the White have been, well, much like her husband’s penis, little and soft. According to one of Britain’s biggest cinema operators, Tim Richards, chief executive of Vue, just two tickets have been booked for the 6pm showing at Vue Islington on its opening evening.

Perhaps if Melanie had included her soft-core porn film as part of the documentary she might have sold three tickets.

The “No Kings” protests against the regime are returning March 28, this time with a flagship event in the Minneapolis on the heels of the ICEstapo murders on Renee Nicole Good and Alex Pretti.

Other demonstrations are expected again across the country.

Stand up; speak up; resist!

Thanks to Doc Heroin Addict the measles epidemic in South Carolina has spread to at least 789 people, surpassing the 2025 West Texas outbreak that sickened 762 people and killed two young girls. The majority of cases remain centered in Spartanburg County, mostly among people who were either unvaccinated or didn’t know their status.

South Carolina has long strived to be the best at something but who would have guessed it would be measles?

Good, fun news, because it has MAGAts in a giant snit, a rumor has it that Bad Bunny will wear a dress during his upcoming Super Bowl performance. And MAGAts are already ranting and raging all over X even though the story has not been substantiated.

Either way, I like the white, but the pink looks more fun, don’t you think?

Jhona Burjack is a model represented by agencies in New York, Los Angeles, Sydney, Hamburg, and São Paulo. It’s like he’s everywhere so … Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: 1800s Farmhouse

This 1880s farmhouse feels like a discovered treasure, tucked away in a secret hillside meadow of wild apple trees in the rolling terrain of the Catskills. And yet the eleven acre estate is minutes from town and less than two hours from Manhattan.

You enter through the mudroom into an open plan kitchen, dining, and living room that flows as one continuous space. The chef's kitchen—designed by the owner and restaurateur—centers on a Viking range within an oversized island, complemented by a farmhouse sink and butcher block countertops.

In the dining area, open to a side porch, reclaimed pine wide-plank floors unify the entire ground floor while the living room is centered around a wood-burning stove, with a short hallway leading to a shared first floor bathroom featuring a walk-in shower; a guest bedroom is located on the ground floor with its own wood stove for cozy evenings and a convenient desk space.

Upstairs on the second level, the three bedrooms share a bathroom with walk-in shower and soaking tub. The primary bedroom has been upgraded to include three closets and a work from home space; in fact each bedroom features generous closet space, uncommon in historical farmhouses. A finished third-story game room and home theater caps the layout—sizable in footprint yet tucked away, perfect for movie nights or creative projects.

Outside a classic wraparound porch captures sunlight throughout the day, while wisteria climbs the pergola. Just outside the kitchen is an outdoor dining table, flanked by stone walls built into the hillside.

A custom fire pit area and seating area is carved into the meadow’s gentle slope with a meandering path leading upward to a wood-fired hot tub. Beyond this, the parklike meadow preserves a wild apple orchard that leads to a large barn—the property's creative crown jewel. The lower level houses a Polaris ATV—included in sale—and provides perfect storage for outdoor gear, motorcycles, and more. The main floor features a statement plexiglass wall that floods the space light and making the barn ready for transforming to a guest space or work from home area.

It's updated, yet historic, peaceful and yet close to New York City.

Dwell

It's My Dad's Birthday .......

Today is my Daddy’s birthday so I thought I might honor him with some thoughts …

I wish I could figure out how old you are but I hate doing long math!

I know birthdays get worse as you get older but, on the bright side, you don’t have that many left! Also, statistics show that people who have the most birthdays live longer!

As you got older I saw that life finally started to click for you… well, at least your knees, back and neck started to click. You know you are old when almost everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

People look at you strangely when you ask for a piece of tinfoil for the leftover pizza.

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next you’re turning down the stereo so you can see better.

At 16 you loved it when your favorite song came on the radio, and then at 21 you loved hearing your favorite song in a bar, and then you started hearing your favorite song in the grocery store.

You have become that person that gets really excited for gifts like a high-quality pair of slippers, a programmable thermostat, or a set of durable socks.

When you used to tell people your age, they’d always say, “Oh, you look so much younger,” but now you just get an awkward silence. But don’t worry about aging, you’re still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower. And don’t think of it as getting old, think of it as outliving the warranty.

Thank you and Good Night!!!