The Funny Papers

Rick McKee, Chris Britt, Pedro X Molina, Drew Sheneman, David Horsey, Gary Huck, Mike Luckovich, Lalo Alcaraz, Bill Bramhall, Nick Anderson, Marc Murphy, Max Espinoza,

Why Is It ...

… that as I get older I no longer dislike Mondays … I dislike the whole week.

… that I used to fall asleep and lay in one position the entire night. Now I rotate like a rotisserie chicken every fifteen minutes or a hip hurts.

… that when people say, ‘Bob you are out of fucking control,’ I hear ‘Bob, you are such a free spirit.’

… that more often than not I find out without even getting the chance to fuck around.

… that people need constant reminding that no matter how they feel about me, there’s nothing they can do.

… that after work I was so excited to get that raise. I mean, it was in medication dosage, but I’ll take any win I can get.

… that some people think I have no self control. I have actually cooked meals for men I should have poisoned but didn’t.

… that people need to learn that I may not put the sparkle in their eyes, but I will put the WTF wrinkles in your forehead.

… that I think the best way to get over somebody is with your car.

… that people don’t realize my social media posts are not targeted at anyone in particular, but if you feel offended I’m glad I could reach one person.

I Didn't Say It

Mark Kelly, US Navy combat veteran and Democrat Senator from Arizona, on the bombing of boats in the Caribbean and killing any survivors:

“This president, when he says things like ‘third world countries,’ what is he really saying? I think what he’s saying is he doesn’t want brown people in our country. And that’s disturbing. It’s un-American. If what has been reported is accurate, I’ve got serious concerns about anybody in that chain of command stepping over a line that they should never step over. We are not Russia. We are not Iraq. We hold ourselves to a very high standard. Going after survivors in the water—that is clearly not lawful. We have a president who doesn’t understand the Constitution, who installed an unqualified secretary of defense. I cannot think of a secretary of defense in the history of our country that is less qualified than Pete Hegseth. He should’ve been fired after Signal-gate.”

Grifters and drunks are in charge and what happens is that we become a country killing people that the regime “suspects” to be trafficking drugs while Cankles pardons a real drug runner in former Honduran President Juan Orlando Hernández.

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Rand Paul, Kentucky GOP Senator, on Pete Hegseth:

“Secretary Hegseth said he had no knowledge of this, and it did not happen. It was fake news. It didn’t happen. And then the next day, from the podium at the White House [they] are saying it did happen. So, either he was lying to us … or he’s incompetent and didn’t know it had happened. Do we think there’s any chance that the secretary of the defense did not know there had been a second strike? So as a country, we’re just going to let people lie to us, to our face?”

He's incompetent and he’s a liar; he’s a war criminal and he’s a murderer. And now even some in the GOP are seeing it.

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Jessica Tarlov,  political strategist for the Democratic Party and a rotating co-host of The Five on Fox News, on the murder ordered by Pete Hegseth and Cankles in the Caribbean:

“The government has carried out seven strikes, killed thirty-two people, produced zero indictments, and still can’t show a shred of evidence [the victims] were [drug] traffickers. The admiral running the mission quit rather than own it. This isn’t ‘national security.’ It’s state-sanctioned killing dressed up as counterterrorism and they’re hoping you don’t ask why the courts were never involved.”

I have stealing Venezuela's oil fields and giving them to Cankles in my Fascism Bingo Card.

And, oh yeah, I also have Distract from the Epstein Files.

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Mark Hertling, Retired US Army Lieutenant, on disobeying illegal orders from grifters and drunks and criminals:

“For what it’s worth, as a commander and officer, it was my duty, moral obligation and legal requirement to first question and then not obey any illegal order I was given. The same is true for everyone who swears the oath. Hope that clears things up.”

How hard is this to understand? Don’t help anyone break the law and if you do, do you think Cankles and his regime will protect you??

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Rachel Maddow, reading KKKarolying Leavitt’s resume live on air, after Leavitt called her activism ‘outdated, irrelevant, and based on a world that doesn’t exist anymore’:

"Let’s do a little homework together, sweetheart … Karoline Leavitt. Born 1997. Former White House assistant—lasted eight months. Lost two congressional races—both by double digits. Hosts a podcast that averages fewer listeners than my nightly show. Claims to fight for ‘free speech,’ yet blocks everyone who disagrees. And her latest achievement? Calling someone who’s spent decades reporting, analyzing, and informing the public ‘irrelevant’ while trending for the wrong reasons. Baby girl, I’ve reported from the frontlines of politics, covered stories that matter, and challenged those in power with facts, integrity, and rigor. I’ve been questioned by critics with more fame and less knowledge than you. You don’t scare me"

Snap.

Don’t come for Rachel, Little Lying Girl, because you are way out of your depth. She has little time for faux-christian liars and goose-stepping fascists wearing crosses.

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Greg Walker, GOP Senator from Indiana, has refused Cankles’ request to travel to Washington and meet with him, saying that it violated the Hatch Act:

“I refused [the invitation], but the underling who reached out to me is trying to influence the election on my dime. That individual works for me. He works for you. He’s on my payroll, he’s on your payroll, and he’s campaigning on company time. That’s a violation of the Hatch Act. He’s a federal employee. He works in the White House. But does anyone care about the rules anymore? Not that I can tell. How does [Cankles] have the time to mess with a nobody like me with all of the important matters that are to take his attention as the leader of the executive branch in this nation? There is no way that he should have time to have a conversation with me about Indiana mapmaking when that’s not his business, for starters. But secondly, doesn’t he have anything better to do? I can make a big list of things that are more important for him to focus on.”

It’s rare to see a Republican so openly refusing to pay homage to Cankles and Walker is far from the only Republican to do so recently. It’s nice to see the tide turning, though let’s be clear that it’s turning because the GOP is seeing chinks in Cankles’ flaccid armor.

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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Democrat Representative from New York, on Marjorie Taylor Greene pretending to have principles by resigning when it’s just a coin grab:

“She’s carefully timing her departure just 1–2 days after her pension kicks in and after making millions of dollars insider trading stocks for weapons manufacturers and others while in office. She is saying a lot but her ACTIONS have not backed up the rhetoric. For all her talk, she’s STILL voting with them to gut healthcare and advance self-dealing corruption schemes!”

Large Marge is playing us all , pretending to be tired of the GOP and Cankles and The Little Johnson when she is just doing it to get herself a nice little money bag.

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Bobservations

Work on the kitchen goes on; we are awaiting the delivery of the specialty tile I ordered so we can get the hood installed and the light up, but our contractor Craig was here this week installing all the knobs. He had a “management” question so naturally I was summoned from the office to the kitchen to discuss the issue, but first Craig apologized:

“I would have been done sooner but Carlos keeps coming out here and bothering me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“He was bugging me in the office so I kept sending him out here!”

And Carlos chimes in:

“I can hear you, you know.”

Oh, we know …

This Tuxedo Says is from June 2021, but is just as relevant today:

With all these state legislatures trying to pass these voter suppression bills, they are the perfect place to start voting out the RepubliQAnons.

That cat was onto something even back then!

The Cankles Regime has stopped commemorating December 1 as World AIDS Day. The US has honored that day every year since 1988 but no longer.

Bottom of Form

TheThThe Regime has  drastically cut federal funding for HIV prevention worldwide and an estimated 127,073 adult and 13,527 infant deaths have been caused by the effects of HIV/AIDS due to Cankles’ cuts in funding for the President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief [PEPFAR], a program that has saved an estimated 25 to 26 million lives since its inception in 2003.

Fuck Cankles.

I recently read that Jennifer Lopez was paid $2 million to perform at a billionaire’s star-studded wedding in India.

I’ve said this about Taylor Swift and the same holds true for Jell-O … she could give a free concert in my kitchen and I still wouldn’t go.

Starbucks will pay about $38 million to more than 15,000 workers in what officials are calling the largest worker protection settlement in New York City history after the company denied thousands of workers stable schedules and cut their hours arbitrarily.

The bosses make millions and then fucks their employees.

Don’t go to Starbucks. Ever.

In Washington DC two members of the National Guard, Army Specialist Sarah Beckstrom and Air Force Staff Sgt. Andrew Wolfe were shot over the weekend and Beckstrom died from her wounds.

Instantly Cankles ordered 500 more National Guard members into DC but when children are shot in a school nothing happens.

Let that sink in ...

Anyone who invested $12,500 in the Slovenian Hooker’s meme coin scheme at its peak, not has $118 left.

I could feel sorry for those people, but if they believed that anyone in that family would make them rich gets what they got.

Jinkx Monsoon will star as Judy Garland in the revival of Peter Quilter's End of the Rainbow musical and Friends of Dorothy AKA The Gays, as well as Friends of Jinkx couldn't be more excited.

Monsoon, clearly the biggest winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race, has done everything from playing Matron Mama Morton in Chicago, Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors, Ruth in Pirates! The Penzance Musical, and Mary Todd Lincoln in Oh, Mary! and says approach to playing Garland will be different:

"I know people know me for impressions and imitations—but I'm thrilled for this chance to explore beyond the laughter and into the heart of why we still think so much about Judy today. Her tale is one that we can't forget, especially as women in entertainment are still fighting for autonomy and agency in their own careers. I'm ready to bring new aspects of her story to the stage, and to share what I find so tragically beautiful about her life.”

Monsoon Season comes to England from May 15 through June 21, 2026, at the Soho Theatre.

If we are at war, then DUI Hire Pete Hegseth is a war criminal. And if we are not at war then Pete Hegseth is a murderer and draft dodging Cankles is his accomplice.

Jakob Jokerst is a Germany model discovered at age 16; since then he quickly made a name for himself in the fashion industry and expanded into the strange new occupation, social media influencer, so now, at age 26 … Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: Los Feliz Spanish Home

This 1931 Spanish home blends character details with modern ease. It sits on a full street-to-street lot with beautiful views of the cascading falls of the Rowena reservoir from the kitchen, dining room and backyard.

Incredible curb appeal enhanced by ornate, colorful tilework, mature landscaping and custom woodwork and rows of palm trees set in the backdrop, the entry leads to a tranquil front courtyard perfect for enjoying morning coffee or afternoon cock-a-tales. A custom front door with speakeasy grill opens to 1930s-character details such as archways, built-in bookshelves, a high coved ceiling, a grand picture window, hearth design and refinished tongue-and-groove hardwood floors.

The oversized living room is a dream for hosting and entertaining as it flows into the dining room and backyard taking full advantage of the views of the water. The light fixtures and custom cabinetry of the kitchen add a modern touch that compliments the original Spanish detail.

A powder room, and two bedrooms, each with its own custom designed bathroom from the tile to the Venetian plaster work, fill out the remainder of the main floor while the lower level can be used as a den, home office, art or music studio, or guest bedroom.

In addition, the spacious enclosed backyard features lemon, lime & pomegranate trees and an open green space separating the main house from the ADU that offers a full kitchen with plenty of storage as well a large open space and a full bathroom.

It’s a beautiful transformation of a nearly 100-year-old home into something that feels both old and new.

Dwell