Why Is It ...

… that I miss the days when I’d wake up in the morning and think that I had a good time the night before but I was never completely sure until I read the police report.

… that I am terrible at sit-ups and push-ups but my fuck-ups are completely on point.

… that no one realizes that a bad day hiking is still better than a good day at work unless you’re eaten by a bear. Then  it’s a tie.

… that when I tell people I will always treasure them what I mean is I’d like to bury them.

… that when I wear pink it’s to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate the reds from the whites in the laundry.

… that I see dead … oops, no, wait … I take that back: I see people that I want dead.

… that my boss doesn’t understand that I didn’t lose my motivation. It’s right here on the couch next to me and we have both agreed that today is not the day.

… that at this age when I go to a club my first question is “Where are the chairs?”

… that when someone tells me that I don’t look like I struggle with mental illness my go-to response is, “Yeah, I’m fucked in the head, not in the face.”

… that when a friend asks if they can invite more people to the plans we made  I always say, “The more the merrier” and also “I’m not going anymore.”