Ain't That America XL

The war in Iran ended this week … and then started up again … and then it was over and then it wasn’t over … and the Strait of Hormuz opened and closed and opened and closed and then opened and closed again … a Slovenian Hooker, married to the most divisive hate-filled pig on Earth, took to the media to whine about a comedian making a joke of her … Oh Melanie, but ya’are a joke, ya’are … the GOP is suddenly all on board for the Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™ and suddenly want We The People to pay for that … and the war … and the tariffs and higher gas and higher food prices and less healthcare and childcare … boy, it’s costs us a buttload of money to Make America Great Again, don’t it?

According to Nationalist Christian, AKA Nat-C, Little Mike Johnson, the Secret Service needs to “tighten up” and rethink their security protocols after an ALLEGED assassin stormed a security checkpoint at the recent White House Correspondents’ dinner.

Funny, there was a photo of Little Mike scurrying from the event surrounded by Secret Service.

God sees you lying, Mike, and She’s not happy.

 

In no way to make the shooting seem like another staged event Cankles’ DOJ is not talking about guns and gunmen but is using the ALLEGED assassination attempt to justify building the $400 million Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™ and demanding that preservationists drop their lawsuit over the building.

If a ballroom stopped gunmen wouldn’t every school in the country already have one?

Cankles says he views his repeated brushes with violence as a sign of his historic significance:

“I’ve studied assassinations, and I must tell you, the most impactful people, the people that do the most … they’re the ones that they go after and I hate to say I’m honored by that, but I’ve done a lot.”

He said he’s studied??? The man falls asleep and shits his pants during Cabinet meetings.

 

Texas GOP Representative and MAGAt Chip Roy is furious :::: foot stomp neck snap :::: that children in Texas took a poll and were asked what language was spoken in their homes and Spanish was Number 1  … English came in fourth.

Roy, for the record, was raised by a French-speaking mother and learned Spanish at an early age.

 

Former Fox News himbo and current Secretary of Transportation Sean Duffy says that Spirit Airlines suddenly shut down all business over the weekend because of … wait for it, it’s hilarious … Joe Biden:

“There was a proposed merger between JetBlue and Spirit, and Joe Biden and Pete Buttigieg, along with the Biden DOJ, decided that they did not want that merger to take place.”

But Sean, please to explain the fact that Spirit Airlines said they closed their doors because the war in Iran raised the cost of jet fuel so high that they could no longer afford to fly.

 

DINO, Democrat in Name Only, John Fetterman, is again joining hands with the GOP, this time to demand the Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™ be built to protect the president from ALLEGED assassination attempts at future White House Correspondents’ Dinners.

Trouble is, Fetterman, the Correspondents’ Dinner is a private event that would not be held on federal property even if there was a ridiculous gold-plated ballroom existed.

 

Cankles was captured falling down to the ground as Secret Service agents ushered him away from the dais after that ALLEGED assassination attempt, but now Cankles says he went down at the urging of Secret Service agents, not because he fell.

“I started walking, and they said, ‘Please go down, please go down on the floor.’”

He also told this story:

“[I started to walk out] a little bent over but the agents said, ‘please go down to the floor, please go down to the floor.”

Funny, cuz Melanie didn’t go to the floor because she wasn’t being paid to lay down on the floor.

 

Cankles wants to rename the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement [ICE] as the National Immigration and Customs Enforcement AKA NICE.

But to be fair, the name ICEstapo works better for the agency that kills Americans in the street and in detention centers.

 

This Just In From The Slovenian Hooker …

“Kimmel’s hateful and violent rhetoric is intended to divide our country. His monologue about my family isn’t comedy—his words are corrosive and deepens the political sickness within America. People like Kimmel shouldn’t have the opportunity to enter our homes each evening to spread hate.”

Odd coming from the woman whose husband celebrated the death of Robert Mueller, and laughed at the murders of Rob and Michele Reiner … the man who said nothing about his own party making jokes about Minnesota Representative Melissa Hortman and her husband Mark, being murdered in their home … the man whose own family joked about the attempted murder of Nancy Pelosi’s husband, Paul … the man who said he wouldn’t care if Joe Biden died …

So, Melanie, shut your fucking mouth and clean up your own house before you play the victim … AGAIN.

 

Both GOP Senator and cult member Mike Lee, and Cankles’ lapdog Pee Wee German’s wife Katie Miller sent out Tweets after the ALLEGED assassination attempt slamming the New York Times for not covering the story. Luckily, Keith Olbermann was there to explain how time works:

“Children: you’re looking at the early editions printed last night at 8 PM. Maybe if you could find an adult … she could explain to you how to tell time.”

The image of the print version of the New York Times shared by Miller and Lee went to press at 8PM and the ALLEGED assassination attempt had not yet happened. On Sunday morning the NYT had the full story on the front page.

Cankles’ shared a series of posts on X including an AI-generated image depicting himself and top officials in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.

Clearly, the Cankles in the photo was using AI-generated Ozempic.

 

After that ALLEGED assassin traveled cross-country via Amtrak to stage an ALLEGED assassination attempt, Amtrak announced they are considering allowing people to store guns in lockboxes on most of its trains. Amtrak says they’ve been considering the policy change since early this year, after being pressured by Cankles’ Regime to ease restrictions on transporting weapons and …

Wait, the Cankles Regime asked Amtrak to ease restrictions on transporting weapons just a few months before an ALLEGED assassin used Amtrak to travel cross-country with guns to stage a shooting?

Seriously, you cannot make this shiz up.

Cankles said he’d wear a bulletproof vest in the future in the aftermath of an ALLEGED  third assassination attempt but says it might make him look fat.

Fatter. Fatter. Thought the extra padding around the gut might take some of the glare off the extra thick Depends on the ass.

 

60 Minutes correspondent Norah O’Donnell caught Cankles in a revealing moment while asking about the manifesto of the ALLEGED assassin who stormed the White House Correspondents’ dinner saying that Cole Thomas Allen wrote, “I am no longer willing to permit a pedophile, rapist, and traitor to coat my hands with his crimes.” O’Donnell asked Cankles his reaction, to which he shrieked:

“Well, I was waiting for you to read that because I knew you would, because you’re horrible people. Horrible people. Yeah, he did write that. I’m not a rapist. I didn’t rape anybody.”

That’s when O’Donnell asked:

“Oh, you think—do you think he was referring to you?”

Aaaaaaaand scene!

As the Iran war has pushed the global economy into an oil crisis and gas prices reach a four-year high—I know y’all may have higher prices but a few months ago gas was $2.50 a gallon and now it’s $3.99—Americans’ ratings of the Cankles Regime on several issues are deeply underwater.

Roughly 76%  disapprove of his handling of the cost of living, while 72% disapprove of how he’s handling inflation. Seven in ten Americans think he’s dishonest—where are the 3 in 10 living—while 60% say he does not have the mental sharpness to serve as president.

Best of all, among registered voters, 49% say that they would vote for the Democratic candidate if midterms were held today and 44% say they would vote for the Republican.

Keep all of this in mind and remember: