Why Is It ...

… that at first I am really shy but get to know me and I become a podcast.

… that most people don’t know that an orgasm is one of the healthiest forms of stress relief so when I tell you to go fuck yourself it’s because I care.

… that when I hear women talk about bleaching their assholes, I always wonder if they pour it over his head or make him drink it.

… that as soon as I give someone the benefit, here comes the doubt.

… that at work I am always asked to do things for which I am not qualified … like being nice to fucking idiots.

… that if I’m ever known as “the one who got away,” it will be from an asylum.

… that I am such a “who the hell touched my stuff, never mind, I found it” kind of person.

… that I’m only just now realizing that my personality falls between Mother Teresa and Mother F*cker.

… that trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

… that my boss doesn’t understand that while I have decent problem solving skills, it’s in problem creating skills that I really shine.