Why Is It ...

… that most people don’t understand that blowing the powdered sugar off a donut is part of my healthy eating plan.

… that I used to be a people person until people ruined it for me.

… that I don’t like this phase of my life where I Google a celebrity and find out they’re younger than me.

… that my circle of friends is so small that when my phone rings I already know who it is.

… that when I was dating, the guys never realized they they got a comedian, a chef and a mental patient all rolled into one.

… that most days I feel like putting an ‘Out of Order’ sign on my head and giving up.

… that co-workers don’t get it that if I call in sick to work they shouldn’t ask me what’s wrong because what’s wrong is I’m sick of all of them.

… that sometimes I want to throw cow poop on people to fertilize them so they’ll grow up.

… that when I was younger my housekeeping style was best described as “there seems to have been a struggle.”

… that no one gets the fact that if you’re trying to impress me with your vehicle it had better be a food truck.

… that no one remembers that putting me on speaker phone is taking a huge risk.