Why Is It ...

… that no one gets my two rules for the heat: 1. Drink lots of water, and 2. Watch how you talk to me.

… that I hate when cashiers feel the need to use that marker to see if my bills are counterfeit. If I had counterfeit money I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

… that without coffee I wouldn’t be the perky foul-mouthed delightful bitch that I am?

... that whenever I tell someone I’m a ‘people pleaser, they always ask, ‘Name three people that are pleased with you.’

… that if I ever say ‘I’ll let you know,’ just know the answer is always no.

… that life seems to give me a plot twist every single week?

… that one of my toxic traits is knowing you can’t threaten me with screenshot. I said what I said. Get me a microphone and I’ll say it again .

… that while I always thought I’d age like a fine wine, but now I feel more like an avocado.

… that no one understands that if I say I can’t talk it’s because I already talked to two people … yesterday.