Why Is It ...

… that if you’re someone who has left my life, please do not bother hitting me with that ‘Merry Christmas” text. You are Feliz Navidead to me.

… that the only thing that has been consistent this whole year is the “What the Fuck”

… that being able to respond to sarcasm within seconds of hearing a stupid question is actually a sign of a really healthy brain

… that I am at that delusional age where I think everyone my age looks way older than I do.

… that, at the work safety meeting today, no one liked when I was asked what steps I would take in the event of a fire and I replied, “Fucking big ones!:

… that all that’s left when I run out of fucks to give is fuckdust.

… that new people at work always feel the need to tell me that they “love my energy” and I always feel the need to reply, “Is that why you’re draining it?”

… that no one realizes that when they see me on the street, it’s AI.

… that since I don’t want to end this years on bad terms with anyone, go ahead and apologize to me now.

… that because my mother raised me with manners I always know which fork to use at a formal dinner, but because she also didn’t raise a fool, I what artery to stick it into  so you’ll bleed out in one minute.