Tiffany Haddish, comedian and actor, taking down The Felon
on Jimmy Kimmel Live! a few weeks back:
"I, Tiffany Sarah Cornelia Haddish am running for
President of the United States of America. That is right. I've got all the
qualifications to be president … I'm rich. I've been arrested a few times and I
always say crazy shit. And I have a vision for this country that will blow your
mind … My fellow Americans, when I'm president all profiles on dating sites
must include your credit score. If you can't handle your business you ain't
touching my business. Under a Haddish presidency, every Subway sandwich shop
will now carry pastrami sandwiches dammit! Just the way the Founding Fathers
wanted it to be. They intended it that way. I will issue an executive order
allowing people to pay their taxes with old gift cards. We're gonna run this
country, this government, like a company and that company is Sizzler. You can
use your old coupons. I also will make it a crime to show up on time to a
dinner party. Who in the hell is walking into my house at 6 o'clock for a 6
o'clock dinner. White people, that's who. I'm moving the capital from
Washington, D.C. to Hankinson, North Dakota. Don't worry, I've been to
Hankinson before, there are buffalos everywhere. Best buffalo pastrami
sandwiches you ever had. Instead of elevator small talk, let's do elevator big
talk. Quick: tell me about your divorce before the doors open! And finally, I'm
getting rid of those little robots that deliver food. In my America, robots
will only be used for sex stuff. No more STDs y'all! And my campaign is built
around a very simple idea. America: mind your own damn business. Doesn't that
sound nice? Doesn't that sound good? Yeah. If you want to join my movement post
on social media with the hashtag #WeMindOurOwnDamnBusiness. We’ve had an actor
as president, a reality host president, but now it’s time to elect a comedian. Finally,
a president who’s funny on purpose, most of the time. Who's with me?"
I’m not sure Haddish is Presidential but I really like the We Mind Our Own Damn Business
label!
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Conservatives totally underestimated Kimmel and totally overestimated Kirk. Will they learn anything? Absolutely not, to do would mean they made a terrible mistake.
ReplyDeleteLove Doohan in Wednesday. Can’t wait to see what he does next.
ReplyDeleteJimmy Kimmel is teaching this country a lesson in civics. Well, that and people canceling Disney and Hulu. Well played.
Cankles gave Jimmy his biggest audience yet.
I’d rather have Tiffany as prez, tbh…
XOXO
Popular American comedians have got the old windbag riled. Notice how his pattern is to claim that their ratings are low and they have no talent before slamming into them. He really is like the playground bully. Give me your pocket money before I tell the teacher that you have taken mine! If only Trump had an ounce of the wit, talent, patriotism and human understanding regularly displayed by the likes of Jon Stewart, Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert! Underneath it all, I guess that he is just jealous of them as he seethes like a rabid dog.
ReplyDeleteP.S. "rely" on the media - not "really" ($50)
The President of Ukraine, started his career as a comedian.
ReplyDeleteDonald Duck, backed by SCOTUS, is doing his best to ruin the US, and all for money. There is no rule of law any more, just mob Repugnant rule. China will take over the US role of being the world's policeman, though instead of policing China will be prisoning or murdering those they don't like.
ReplyDeleteTiffany Haddish has my vote. Hell, I like pastrami!
ReplyDeleteIt's going to be up to the populace to save this republic. Way too few politicians are speaking out. As someone put it the other day, It's time for the politicians to stop telling us what we need and time for us to be telling them what we want.
ReplyDeleteVolodomyr Zelenskyy is showing that comedians can do a fine presidential job, so why not an American comedian for president? It couldn't be worse . . .
ReplyDeletethe dog's mother
ReplyDeletexoxo :-)
I agree that it is going to take the collective to overcome the lunacy of the current administration...why not a comedian to lead them. Schumer is certainly not going to be the one to lead.
ReplyDeleteBased on the Kimmel situation, it definitely appears that targeting businesses that support the Republicans is one way for individuals to voice their displeasure.