The Funny Papers

Mike Luckovich, Rick Penn-Kraus, Ted Littleford, Chris Britt, Marc Murphy, Gary Huck, Michael de Adder, Trevor Irvin, Lalo Alcaraz, Max Espinosa, Nick Anderson

Why Is it ...

… that one one understands that the 'L' in my name stands for Leave me alone.

… that people don’t listen? I once spoke to a client over the phone who told me I was much friendlier and far more helpful than the person they had spoken to the day before … who was also me.

… the people need to learn that no one can get on my nerves like everyone.

… that the older I get the more I appreciate being out of the loop. Don’t fill me in … I don’t wanna know anything about anyone.

… that as blunt as I may seem, I don’t say half of what I’m thinking.

… that no one understands that I prefer to live in my own little world and they need a wristband to enter.

… that I don’t clear up any rumors about myself since I probably did do it, and if I didn’t, I might.

… that I don’t buy more piñatas; like, right now, I would love to beat the crap out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.

… that I am the nicest rudest most caring nonchalant I don’t give a f*ck person you’ll ever meet.

I Didn't Say It ...

Kamala Harris, in October 2024, telling us what we would get if The Felon was elected:

“If [he] were president, Putin would be sitting in Kyiv right now, and understand what that would mean, because Putin’s agenda is not just about Ukraine. Understand why the European allies and our NATO allies are so thankful that [he is] no longer president, and that we understand the importance of the greatest military alliance the world has ever known, which is NATO, and what we have done to preserve the ability of [President] Zelenskyy and the Ukrainians to fight for their independence. Otherwise, Putin would be sitting in Kyiv with his eyes of the rest of Europe, starting with Poland.”

Oh, but she laughed so much and she’s a woman and a woman of color at that, so the lot of you looked the other way and voted for the man you knew was a liar and a traitor and a cheat and a fraud and just hoped he would hurt you.

You deserve what you get.

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Friedrich Merz, Germany’s newly elected leader, on Putin’s Puppet and Leon’s Bitch:

“I am communicating closely with a lot of European Union heads of state, as for me it’s an absolute priority to strengthen Europe as quickly as possible, so that we achieve independence from the US, step by step … I never thought I would ever need to say something like that on TV, but after the latest statements made by [The Felon] last week, it is clear that the Americans—at any case, these Americans, this, administration—mostly don’t care about the fate of Europe one way or the other.”

Soon enough there will be no allies for this country other than murderous dictators and tyrants.

Thanks MAGA.

Thanks Democrats who didn’t vote because of “a woman.”

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Liz Cheney, former GOP Congressperson, and real American patriot who put country over party, and over a traitor:

“Generations of American patriots from our revolution onward, have fought for the principles Zelenskyy and Ukrainians are risking their lives to defend. But toward, [The Felon] and [The CouchFucker] attacked Zelenskyy and pressured him to surrender the freedom of his people to Putin, the KGB war criminal who invaded Ukraine. History will remember this day—when an American President and Vice President abandoned all we stand for.”

No matter what has been to done to Liz Cheney, she continues to speak up and fight for our country, and not for the enemies of our country.

When you hear the word ‘patriot,’ think Liz Cheney.

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Mark Kelly, Democrat Senator from Arizona, demolishing [The Felon] over his Zelensky Oval Office disaster in terms that even MAGAts can understand:

"Well, [Democrats] have a role. We do our own negotiations. We do our own diplomacy so to speak. So we do have a role. We can push the administration. Hopefully, we can get them to come back to the negotiating table … [even though] we are in a much worse position. Our European allies especially are looking at this and they're thinking to themselves what just happened? What happened to the United States of America? It used to be the leader of the free world. And you know I pointed out in our meeting this morning … that I was rather disappointed that our country, we're about to celebrate our 250th birthday. Which is a big deal … but now we're dealing with one of our allies like this is a business transaction. I mean, that's not the way we have traditionally done things and so where do we go from here? … [The] President and the Vice President need to figure out how do they pick up the pieces from this total disaster and get back to the table and negotiate in a way that is who we are as a nation. [We] have principles, we have values, and we don't berate our allies in the Oval Office. I’ve never seen anything like this before. And throughout our entire history there have been a lot of tense negotiations between countries. We don't do this in public. This did not get us anything. And I think it's important for the American people to understand because of what happened today we are all less safe. And I'll tell you there is one winner in this, one winner, and if you watch Russian TV tonight or tomorrow morning you will see that they're going to cover this. They're going to be happy about this. Putin and his cronies are probably popping champagne bottles right now."

Kelly is spot on; The Felon and his cabal of traitors and ignorant cronies have made America less safe in the world today by aligning with a murderous dictator and they don’t even realize. They’re the new bullies on the playground who care only about looking tough, not being tough, and scared shitless to cross the boss.

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Tony Bisignano, a Democrat state Senator from Iowa, in an interview with The Advocate after the GOP voted to remove transgender Iowans from the state’s civil rights laws:

“We were time certain, which means that we had to vote by 3:30, and we didn’t start [debating] until 12:15. That wasn’t part of the Senate conduct—we don’t do that in the Senate, but this particular majority has chosen to do it on a number of large issues. This was just a lead-up, the prelude to finally just choke [Transgender Iowans] out and try to eliminate them from our culture here in Iowa. When my colleague brought [this] forth, I said, ‘Well, if you say this is all [about protecting women and children], then why don’t we eliminate the housing and the employment and the credit [elements] and all these other important things because we don’t need ’em?’ ... I did not have the intention to speak to that particular amendment, but the fact that we were just starting the debate and I could see where it was going, it was time to take a role to call them out. [My niece] is a transgender girl … She’s a sweet person, she’s lovely, she’s smart, she’s talented, and you want to dispel and disgrace and demean these people? I’m sorry, Tony Bisignano cannot sit in a room in any capacity to see that done to anybody for anything. I had to call that out because I’m a Catholic; we’re Christians. And I asked [my Republican colleagues] in a speech a few days ago, ‘What Bible do you use at your Bible study? Because I’ve not seen quotes ever apply to what you’re doing here.’ I know these people on the other side. They’re friends. I’ve known some of ’em for years. I can’t believe that in their heart they believe this is the right thing to do, but they understand that’s the only way to stay elected ... I’m calling them on it. Transgender people need champions and voices and not people voting against people because they’re afraid—they need somebody willing to take it on the chin, and I’m willing to do that.”

He's so right talking about these people weaponizing their faith against the trans community when nowhere in the Bible is there a single anti-trans message.

It’s ignorance and hate, but not Jesus at all.

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Stuart Stevens, GOP consultant, on his party weaponizing gender and sexual orientation:

“When I see sexual orientation hate come out of the Republican party under the pretext of just being anti-trans, I am very tempted to name the Republican operatives and elected officials who are closeted gays. It’s not a short list.”

Do it.

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Thanks to Sixpence for the reminder ...

Bobservations

So we were watching the Oscars the other night and they announce that Mick Jagger is coming out to present an award and Carlos says:

“Mick Jagger?”

“Yes, sweetie, Mick Jagger.”

“Is he related to Mick Jagger the singer?”

“No, sweetie he IS Mick Jagger the singer.”

“Is he English? Because he has a funny accent.”

This is from Carlos who has the funniest accent ever.

And imagine what he might do in 2025 to fix the economy rather than focusing on taking control of the Post Office.

The more things change, the more we get the same stupid from The Felon.

Say what you want about Naomi Campbell but the bitch can rock a runway … even at fifty-four! Just don’t make her mad when she’s holding a cell phone!

Isn’t it funny how the GOP denigrates Volodymyr Zelenskyy for coming into the Oval Office and not wearing a suit, but then say not a word about Leon Skum, the Ketamine Kid, entering the Oval in a t-shirt, jacket and baseball cap?

It's almost like they don’t see their hypocrisy.

He’s shaving his upper cheeks now that he’s finished with the lower ones. Smooth cakes, baby.

I woke up Saturday morning and was doing some internet surfing when I saw a notice of Extreme Fire Danger in South Carolina. What? I’d never seen that in all the years we’ve lived in and was surprised. Cut to four hours later when I said to Carlos:

“Call the fire department.”

There was a fire alongside the road from three houses down and it was headed our way. It was coming down the hill toward our neighbor’s house so we got our hose and helped spray the flames while other neighbors ran with buckets.

Luckily, the fire department showed quickly and put all the fires out—no damage to any structures—and then Carlos and I had a nice chat with the fire chief and thanked him and his team them for their service.

Now, as I write this on Wednesday morning, we are awaiting tornados and heavy rain.

0y.

A couple of weeks ago singer Sheryl Crow, disgusted by Leon Skum’s presidency, sold her Tesla and donated the money to National Public Radio [NPR]

This week Cassandra Peterson, AKA Elvira, actor and media personality, followed suit and sold her Tesla to NPR and then gave the profits to NPR. But first she wrote ‘Elon SuX’ on the side of her car.

For anyone, and I mostly mean the people on the right who only believe what a convicted felon says, here are some facts:

Between 2014 and 2022 Ukraine held over 200 talks with Russia, reaching 20 cease-fire agreements.

Russia promptly violated all those agreements and invaded Ukraine on February 22, 2022.

Anyone, ANYONE, advocating for negotiations are either misled, uninformed or aligned with Russia.

That’s all.

I was visiting blogs the other morning and I found this on Voenix Rising and for some reason my mind went right to Maddie …

Silvester Ruck is a 36-year-old German born model who was discovered by agent David Todd of DT Model Management at a Coffee Bean in Beverly Hills; coffee is nice, but Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: Highland Park Dutch Colonial

Amid a lush garden of native California plants, this turnkey 1906 Dutch Colonial Revival in prime Highland Park neighborhood is the perfect blend of charming original details and modern updates.

High ceilings and a majestic curved staircase at the entrance flow into light-filled living and dining areas with refurbished original Douglas Fir floors and stained 118-year-old artisan woodwork. Every inch of the designer kitchen was thoughtfully maximized and features soapstone and butcher block counters, custom cabinetry, new wood flooring, a farmhouse sink, and Zia tiles.

The dining area leads into a bonus room, ideal for an office or den, with French doors that open to the rear deck. Fully remodeled bathrooms—one on each floor—feature Mission tilework, while the three upstairs bedrooms enjoy treetop views of the San Gabriel mountains, the Verdugos, and beyond.

Centered around a California Coast Live Oak, the park-like backyard features edible and native plants and is host to an array of butterflies, pollinators, ladybugs, and birds. The front yard was designed by Dune Gardens to evoke the Sycamore groves of the nearby Arroyo Seco.

This green, sustainable home has rainwater catchment and a zoned smart Rachio irrigation system. It is completely gas-free and comes equipped with high-end, all-electric appliances including a heat pump water heater, induction cooktop, washer/dryer, oven, and heat pump central HVAC with 4 temperature sensors and Smart 2-zone Ecobee WiFi controlled thermostat. Systems upgrades include all new electrical panel and wiring, copper water lines, new ducting, and a completely replaced foundation.

The home also comes with a historic Mills Act contract and significant property tax savings. With two private parking spots, this home is perfectly situated between Figueroa and York, a half mile to the A Train and just minutes from area favorites such as Amiga Amore, Kumquat, Cookbook, and the Hermosillo. An incredibly rare opportunity in one of the best pockets of Highland Park. 

Dwell