I am, generally speaking, a positive person, and try not to dwell on the negative and hateful, unless it’s the _____’s or Michael Elizabeth Pence. But, where Carlos is concerned, my mind always goes there when things don’t happen as planned.
Back when Carlos used to drive, and he worked in Columbia, about forty minutes from our house, he’d call at 5PM to say he was on his way home.it was usually a forty-minute drive, maybe forty-five, but if the clock stretched to an hour and he wasn’t home, my mind went to ‘Car Wreck.’ If it stretched out to an hour-and-fifteen minutes and he wasn’t home, my mind went to ‘Lying Dead In The Street.’
I only tell this story because while I was at work one morning this week, helping a client, a co-worker motioned to me that I had a phone call, and mouthed the word, ‘Carlos.’ As I went to the phone another co-worker apologized to me, saying, “I meant to tell you, he called earlier.”
I picked up the phone:
“Hello.”
There was noise on my end and noise on his, but I heard this:
“I’m at the hospital phumpher-phumph-phumpity-phump.”
My mind began to run to, what I needed to pass off to co-workers, where was my boss, so I could get to the hospital; but first I said:
“I can’t hear you.”
“I said …I’m at the hospital phumpher-phumph-phumpity-phump.”
He’s having a heart attack, a stroke, a seizure, and the last words he’ll ever say to me are:
“Phumpher-phumph-phumpity-phump.”
I nearly shout:
“I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”
“I’m doing a translation at the hospital and have no reception on my phone if you’re trying to reach me.”
Um, I wasn’t trying to reach him, and I wasn’t planning on trying to reach him, and now I’m crawling back from the edge of Carlos Is Dead, to say:
“Next time, lead with ‘I’m doing a translation’ so my mind doesn’t go straight to death!”
He laughed; I didn’t.
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and more than anything else Christians hate the other Christians who don't worship in exactly the same way they do. In April 1204 the crusaders stormed the city of Constantinople and raped the women, killed the men and children and stripped the churches of all their wealth, setting fire to the largest and most beautiful city in the west as they did so. This was despite the fact that they were meant to be rescuing Jerusalem from the wicked infidels. Instead they chose to attack fellow Christians because they did not acknowledge the pope in Rome as the head of the Orthodox church.
ReplyDeleteak! The Carlos call... :-)
ReplyDeleteBefore the whole family turned
Unitarian we were Methodist - the
United Church of Canada. Rather shocked
at them.
Minner Rogers (as the kids used to
call him) bless him.
Ah, Carlos, love him to death! I'm like you, Bob, in that my mind immediately goes to car wreck and or death when Balder Half doesn't show up when he says he will. I've told him and my sons to never call me while driving, hands free or not! I don't want to be the distraction or hear the crash if it happens!
ReplyDeleteI know this is probably akin to blasphemy, but I always got a slight pedophile vibe from Mister Rogers. Then again, I felt that way about Captain Kangaroo and Santa Claus. Ironically, not Elmo. You just can't judge. I still feel that way about Santa, though.
Oh, Carlos. He sounds scary like... me. ๐
ReplyDeleteOh the xtianists. The most dangerous are he holier than thou type. Which is , like 90% of them. Eff them all.
Ohh Grace Slick! Do yourself a favor and listen to White Rabbit. Those groovy 60’s!
The Mr. Rogers tidbit shook my manfriend yesterday. Yay for bi visibility.
XoXo
Makes perfect sense you're watching Enemy Within because Dexter's sister is in it. I'm NOT watching for the very same reason. LOL.
ReplyDeleteNow we find out about Me Rogers? Now that it's too late to try and get into a 3-way with him?
ReplyDeleteAnd another thing. I keep being drawn to the picture of Grace Slick's hand. It's weird looking and my mind went to filth town (surprise). I see something more phallic rather than a hand. TMI (again, surprise).
ReplyDeleteKudos to Grace Slick!!!!!
ReplyDeleteShakes head about you and Carlos*
You two need a reality show.
Yay for Rev Jason Butler!
ReplyDeleteWell, that just might have made me want to slap Carlos. That's how Jerry leads with a story, too!
ReplyDeleteKudos indeed... Grace Slick outranks the Methodists now. (Not a hard sell; Airplane was always a fave.)
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a Questioning tadpole emerging from the primordial ooze of West Texas... no really, it was the '70s...
the Meths were well ahead of most others for inclusiveness and, um, Liv-and-Let-Live-edness. Even in Minnesota, evidently.
Not as progressive as Unitarians. but certainly more modern that the Episcopalopians I grew up with.
I gave that all up once I understood I was only coming for the bois [And the music; I loves a good pipe organ :) ] and not Jesus...
I still believe in karma tho, my brother and S-n-L have gone deep into the church the last several years.
Makes for awkward Xmasses with me and my Gay nephew who is their son...
I love john fugelsang! and grace slick! and mister rogers! and rev. butler!
ReplyDeletetrey gowdy (and his ugly face/hair) and h8-fil-a can go fuck themselves with a cactus!
Mr. Rogers gets a big smile, can you give him a big, happy smile?
ReplyDeleteTrey isn't in the House any more because long, investigative hearings in which he is not charge will send his soul to hell.
Those old, white, conservative Methodists were on the path to getting it right... and then they shit in their pants.
I knew that there was a reason why I really liked Mr. Rogers! Glad Carlos wasn't in any type of accident.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteOh Carlos, oh Carlos - that is a great story, Bob...now.
I totally get it.