Showing posts with label Paris Hilton Is A Moron. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Paris Hilton Is A Moron. Show all posts

Friday, September 28, 2012

I Didn't Say It ....


Rupert Everett, on his gay dads comment
"The good news on this is I'm not applying for any sort of public office. I'm just an individual with my own life and the things I want to do myself. I'm not against anybody doing anything... I'm not one of those people who wants to say, 'Oh no, you can't do that, you have got to pull the clocks back'. Just I, personally, feel like that... I have loads of friends, gay friends, with children... I am not big into marriage, straight or gay, to be honest. I am very out of kilter with the rest of the world, I realise."

But then let the rest of the world do as we please. No one said you had to get married, Rupert, or become a father. We’re just fighting for the right to choose to get married, or not, and choose to become parents, or not.

Bill Graves, Oklahoma District Judge, using the Bible and DNA to deny transgender people a legal name change:
“A so-called sex-change surgery can make one appear to be the opposite sex, but in fact they are nothing more than an imitation of the opposite sex . . . To grant a name change in this case would be to assist that which is fraudulent. “It is notable that Genesis 1:27-28 states: ‘So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth …’ The DNA code shows God meant for them to stay male and female.”

First off, it isn’t a “so-called” sex change; it’s an actual gender reassignment surgery, so get that straight.
And if you want to use God and the Bible to run your daily life, go for it, but don’t impose your own limited world-view on others.
Judge not, lest ye be judged, Judge.

Herndon Graddick, GLAAD President, on having Intel coming out against the BSA antigay stance:
"Intel joins current Boy Scouts of America Board Members, President Obama, Mitt Romney and hundreds of thousands of Americans in speaking out against the BSA's practice of unfairly kicking out gay scouts and scout leaders simply because of who they are. All of the great work that the BSA does to help young people will continue to be overshadowed by their blatant discrimination until they join other inclusive national organizations like the Girl Scouts of the USA and the 4-H Club. The time is now for the BSA to side with fairness, otherwise they will continue to see sponsors and scouting families drop their support."

You can’t teach character when you have none, and that’s what the BSA is doing.

Madonna, um, “clarifying” her “black Muslim in the White House” comment:
"I was being ironic on stage. Yes I know Obama is not a Muslim (though I know that plenty of people in this country think he is.) And what if he were? The point I was making is that a good man is a good man no matter who he prays to. I don’t care what religion Obama is – nor should anyone else in America."

You weren’t being ironic; you were trying to garner publicity, which is why you showed your tits and ass onstage earlier this year, and why you carried a gun onstage after that, and why you put a swastika over someone’s photo after that.
You’re desperate and you’re pandering, two signs that you’re also over.

Dan Savage, on Mitt Romney's brand of homophobia:
"I don't make a distinction between an honest bigot and a dishonest bigot...Whether someone punches you in the nose because they really hate you, or they punch you in the nose because they want to impress people who hate you, you still have a broken goddamn nose. I'm not going to look into Mitt Romney's stony little heart, I'm not going to bust open that bank vault in the Cayman Islands and retrieve his heart to look at it. What I care about is policy. And his policies are homophobic and by my estimation, that man is a homophobe."

Can’t be any clearer. Mittsy can couch his views as being traditional, or Biblical, or Mormon, but they’re homophobic none-the-less. But, can we really expect him to be open to gay folks when he assaulted a gay classmate years ago because he didn’t like the boy’s hair?
Once a bigot, almost always a bigot.

Paris Hilton, backtracking from her “all gays have AIDS” moronic-ness:
"As anyone close to me knows, I always have been and always will be a huge supporter of the gay community. I am so sorry and so upset that I caused pain to my gay friends, fans and their families with the comments heard this morning. I was having this private conversation with a friend of mine who is gay and our conversation was in no way towards the entire gay community. It is the last thing that I would ever want to do and I cannot put into words how much I wish I could take back every word. HIV/AIDS can hurt anyone, gay and straight, men and women. It's something I take very seriously and should not have been thrown around in conversation."

First off, you cocaine smuggling moron, even in a private conversation what you said was wrong and disgusting and anti-gay.
Second off, you no talent drug mule, you are trying to get your name back in the press because whatever little career you had, being the party girl, is over. You’re old, Paris, and you’re still stupid, and you should simply stop talking forever.

Tony Perkins, of the FRC, on DADT and the anniversary of its repeal:
"Has America's military completely collapsed in the first year after repeal? Of course not--our service members are too professional to let that to happen. But these challenges are only a non-story because the media won't tell the story. We need only look at no-fault divorce in the 1970s to recognize that radical shifts in public policy take decades to fully manifest. No one can honestly deny the impact that no-fault divorce has had on children and the institution of the family. Within 20 years of the introduction of no-fault divorce, we saw the acceleration of cohabitation, single-parent homes, and unintended pregnancies. By the time Americans recognized their mistake, it was too late. Let's hope the same isn't true for our brave men and women in uniform."

It’s funny that it was just a year ago that Tony weans saying the end of DADT would bring about the collapse of our military, and now he’s saying it’ll take twenty years.
See, in twenty years, when it doesn’t happen, no one will even remember who Tony Perkins was or his special brand of hate.
And, Tony, if you really are against divorce, fight that fight, don't fight people who want to be married, fight those that marry and then divorce because marriage is hard

Lady Gaga, on the Pope’s opinion of marriage equality.
"I think that gay marriage is going to happen. It must. We are not actually equal—humanity—if we are not allowed to freely love one another... What the Pope thinks of being gay does not matter to the world. It matters to the people who like the Pope and follow the Pope... It is not a reflection of all religious people."

It’s a reflection of bigotry and intolerance, and homophobia and hate.
But, then, that’s the Catholic Church.

Saturday, June 02, 2012

I Ain't One Gossip But ....


Okay, so Amanda Bynes, AKA Lohan 2.0, is all sorts of hot messes, coming every single week it seems.
Let’s recap:
There was a DUI arrest in early April, during which she hit a police car, which was followed by the Texting And Driving Incident of late April when she backed her car up over a curb, and then we had a hit-and-run, followed by a police and helicopter chase, just this month.
So, how you gonna celebrate, Amanda?
Well, she’s gonna dodge the news that she committed another hit-and-run in early April, just four days after her DUI arrest.
Yes, she did. And she also ran a red light after striking the other car, so she is either the Worst Driver Ever—sorry Britney, there’s a new Queen in town—or she’s a Texting Driver, or she’s just a drunk a la Lohan.
Here’s the tale: Lohan 2.0  slammed into a car on the 101 Freeway in the San Fernando Valley on April 10, and then drove off. This is according to the victim, who called the police and identified Bynes as the culprit; and identified the Bynes' car as a 5 series BMW. The victim gave chase, got off the freeway, but Bynes, ALLEGEDLY the culprit, breezed through a red light and disappeared.
However, the victim got the BMW license number.
CHP officers ran the plate and determined it was a rental vehicle and told the victim it was an Enterprise rental. The victim contacted Enterprise who identified Lohan 2.0 as the person who rented the car.
The victim then showed up at a CHP substation and identified Bynes from a photo lineup—the photo being Lohan 2.0’s mugshot from her four-day-old DUI arrest--but, luckily for Bynes, the case was referred to a filing officer at the L.A. City Attorney’s Office who immediately rejected it because there was no independent witness fingering Amanda as the phantom driver.
Just the driver who got hit by Bynes.
Sounds like she’s right on track to be The New Lindsay because she’s getting away with, well, not murder, but being the worst driver in California, and quite a drunken party girl!

And speaking of Original Recipe Lohan, what’s new with her?
I mean all is quiet on the Liz-and-Dick Lifetime craptastic movie she’s making, so what’s to talk about?
Well, nothing from Lindsay, but loads from her media-whoring drunk-assed dad, Michael Lohan, who has gone on record as saying that Original Recipe Lohan’s spaced out, cue card reading, barely lucid “performance” on SNL was due to her taking prescription pills: "I have to say this… on SNL, Lindsay was not using any illicit drugs or drinking, but is still on the prescription drugs that they gave her…And the meds that they give her are meds that they say she needs, but she doesn’t need them. But they kind of make her flat. She’s not acting at a full potential. It’s like the screen is down over her.”
But, in his own alcohol-hazed mind,m he gives her props--yes, props--for her limp line readings on Glee: “And now when she did Glee I said, ‘Linds, get off the damn medication and let people see who you really are.’ And for a couple days before Glee, she went off this stuff. And there were tears in my eyes when I watched Glee. THAT was Lindsay. Yeah that was her acting. That is Lindsay Lohan at the Parent Trap, Freaky Friday and Mean Girls potential. That is what she was.”
So, that’s Lindsay. Barely able to string together two sentences and then not seen again? We haven’t been missing much.
And I will give Daddy Lohan that Original Recipe has a problem with prescription meds. I never really saw her trolling the streets of seedy downtown LA looking for a score, but I can see her doing a little doctor shopping, a la Michael Jackson.
Hopefully she won’t end up the same way.

Gosh, I don’t watch The X Factor, but I may have to change my ways now that they’ve replaced Crazy Paula Abdul with Certifiably Crazier Britney Spears.
FOX and Simon Cowell made a huge deal out of snagging Spears as a judge, hoping that, as a pop star and recovering hot mess, she might be just the Can’t Look Away From The Screen that the struggling show needs.
And, apparently, as part of her “deal” she gets to judge when she wants and walk off the stage when she feels like it. Which she did when a contestant ALLEGEDLY butchered a performance of Spears’ own song "Hold It Against Me."  Another source—probably her fiance, who is also on her payroll--denied that Spears was upset, claiming, "She was just taking a short break."
In the middle of the show.
And this might be just the beginning of a slow-motion freeway pile-up. See, Britney's contract allows for a lot of leeway. One source—and it might be a green with envy, drug-addled Paula Abdul—says, “X Factor wanted Britney so desperately, she was able to negotiate terms that are unheard of"--like walking off set when the mood strikes her, or there’s a lollipop offstage.
Or a kitten.
Or Doritos.
Britney slammed that story via Twitter, with someone typing for her: “Britney walks off??? LOL was just taking a little break people. I am having the BEST time!!!”
But she didn’t come back right away because four other contestants performed before the other judges and Britney’s empty chair. Which, I’m guessing, was far more eloquent and articulate in it’s assessments.
But, enough of Britney’s wackaddoodle walk-offs, let’s also delve into her contract, which will see her pocketing $15 million this year, and what she demands:
*34 Herve Leger dresses
*12 Snickers bars
*10 snack-size bags of Doritos
*six cases of Diet Coke containing 24 cans, which must be replenished every week
*12 vases of magnolia blossoms in her dressing room
*10 pieces of chicken
*four pints of potato salad every week.
*beauty team which includes a personal manicurist, a facialist and a massage therapist
It sounds like a hoedown. Or in Britney’s case, “Ho! Down!”
But, for audiences tuning in to see Britney--as a competent judge or a Paula Abdul-esque disaster-- her repeated absences could end up being a problem. If you promise me Spears, give me Spears, in all of her head-shaving, car-beating wackadoodleness.
Or, maybe give us a hologram. It’s all the rage, dontcha know.


Paris Hilton was all over the Cannes Film Festival because she’s an award winning actress or......maybe she's just never met a party she didn’;t want to snort.
And her former bestie, Kim Kash Kow Kardashian was there with her latest husband-to-be-whose-name-starts-with-a-K, Kanye Kwest.
And that’s where the ugly started, because most of the paparazzi were trailing Kim-n-Kanye and Paris wasn’t getting any attention at all. And that irks the heiress/reality star/mogul/singer/DJ/drug mule.
A source—and you know it’s Kris Jenner, who has suddenly taken to calling herself Kris Kardashian Jenner, which doesn’t bode well for her same-sex marriage to Bruce Jenner—says, “Kim will always be a sore spot for Paris because she believes that without her Kim wouldn’t have the success she has in her life. Paris thinks Kim wasn’t a loyal friend to her and only used her to gain fame and that she is ungrateful for everything Paris claimed to do for her.”
And KKJ continuers, because that mom-whore loves to talk about her offspring-for-cash, “Paris is extremely jealous of Kim’s success with her reality shows as Paris’ last foray in television was a complete flop. Her show on Oxygen was a ratings disaster and didn’t get renewed. Adding to Paris’ angst is that attention that Kim is getting from dating Kanye. Paris has been dating DJ Afrojack, but he’s nowhere near the fame league that Kanye is."
There's more, but the more I hear KKJ prattle on about her whored-out children, the more I find my life coming to a sad bitter end.
Still, the former besties, who once had sex tapes in common, are just not the same.
When last seen, Kim Kash Kow was jiggling her large ass in Kanye’s face, while he was writing a ‘song’ about it, and Paris was face down in pile of white powder a gas station bathroom.
ALLEGEDLY.

Okay, more on TravoltaGate.
There are still seven men who have accused Travolta of harassing and sexually abusing them. Two are currently suing him, and are represented by pitbull Gloria Allred, and the other five are waiting to see how this ‘pays’ off.
But now, comes news that one of the two Allred clients is “quietly” discussing a settlement with Travolta, one that will be sealed forever and will forbid the man from revealing details of his encounter with the predatory creep, under penalty of being sued.
And having Scientology Superman Tom Cruise swoop down on him....which, come to think of it, Tommy might like.
ALLEGEDLY.
The reason for the ALLEGED hush-hush, or, on the down low—Get it?—settelemnt talks are because this particular masseuse’s claims say the “incient” occurred within the last two years, which is within the statute of limitations for civil lawsuits.
So, Travolta’s attorney is currently in settlement talks.
And, you know, even if this man settles, and even if part of his settlement is that he never, ever discuss the Grope-a-thon again, doesn’t it make it seem like Travolta is really Hands On with his masseurs?
And, if he settles, what becomes of the other six? Will he settle with them, or, if their stories are too old to be taken seriously, might they just sell all the sordid details to every single tabloid out there?
He’s never going to escape it.

And, well, this is just so fun, that I’m giggling as I type.
Oprah is on the interview circuit. Oh, not out to interview, but out to be interviewed in  the hopes of pumping up the audience for her cash-bleeding network, OWN, which lost over $300 million last year.
And now Oprah is scrambling to save OWN, which has been a disaster from day one with terrible ratings and parent network Discovery quickly learning that their supposedly brilliant acquisition has quickly transformed into a money pit.
Just in the past year, the signs have been pointing towards OWN’s imminent demise:
First: Oprah begged Nielsen viewers to watch her flailing network.
Second: Oprah did battled with former Queen of Nice,Rosie O’Donnell, over Rosie’s now cancelled OWN d-i-saster.
Third:Oprah offered up Rosie’s old slot to Wynonna Judd, who told O to put it where the sun don’t shine.
Fourth: Oprah, desperate to do anything to save her OWN, has offered reality shows to serial groper, John Travolta, afraid of a man kiss, Will Smith, and, married with beard, Tom Cruise, all of whom told O to put it where the sun don’t shine.
Now, in a final indignity, O has been stripped of executive powers at her own OWN network. The chief financial backer decided to curtail her control over the network and now she’s just a big fat cheese-filled figure-head.
It’s not really OWN, is it, if you don’t ‘own’ it?


Saturday, April 07, 2012

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....


Poor O.
Her network, the modestly named OWN, is flailing like a flounder on a hook--it's losses this year alone are some $150 million.
O tried to use Rosie O'Donnell to save the network, hoping Ro would gather big ratings, but that didn't happen. So O dumped Ro.
And now O is scrambling to find a replacement for Ro and has ALLEGEDLY offered the job to Wynonna Judd, who was less than thrilled to take that call, and ALLEGEDLY told O to, er, shove it.
Apparently Wy is still pissed off at O for promising her the same gig on OWN last year and then suddenly handing the job to Ro instead.
A source--and by source I mean Ashley Judd because she has a new TV series to promote and needs all the press she can get--says, “Wynonna simply gave Oprah a taste of her own medicine, and Oprah didn’t like it! Oprah, on the other hand, feels that Wynonna is an ingrate after she gave her and her mom Naomi a big break.”
See, O gave Wynonna and Naomi their own reality series on OWN and she was so impressed that she started discussions with Wy about hosting her own talk show. Wy started putting her career on hold, ready to film her talk show and then O  hired Ro.
Ruh-roh.
Then Ro's show flopped, and O started sniffing around Wy again. And Wy ALLEGEDLY told O to, um, shove it.
Oh, and speaking of Ro--whom the media likes to play as the bad guy in this whole OWN mess--she ALLEGEDLY attempted to bury the hatchet with O by inviting her to Ro's 50th birthday party at Chicago’s Studio Paris.
O didn't show.


Lohan! Get your Lohan here!
Lindsay had her most recent court appearance, and, well, somebody got good marks! The judge even came down from the bench and patted Lindsay on the head, whilst murmuring, 'Good girl! Good! Good girl!"
And then she got some more good news. See, Lohan is set to play Elizabeth Taylor--excuse me while I throw up a little in my mouth--in a Lifetime TV movie to be filmed in Canada, But, um, the Canadian government isn't really keen on allowing cracktresses to receive work visas. But, now they do!
According to a source--Hey Dina!--“Lindsay has just been granted a Canadian work permit to film an upcoming Liz Taylor movie in Toronto. Canadian officials have realized Lindsay has been receiving positive marks from the court and her probation officer … and signed off on the permit hours after she completed her community service requirements yesterday.”
And it all seems legit, and not just some Keep Lindsay In The News Without Having Her Arrested plot, because it looks like Lifetime will finally officially announce that Lindsay Lohan will star as Elizabeth Taylor in their upcoming movie, Liz and Dick.
It seems Lifetime was just waiting for the jailbird, alcoholic, drug addict, jewel thief, kidnapper, car thief to resolve her legal issues before telling the world that they are planning a Royal EFF Up on a Liz Taylor biopic by having Lohan play Liz.
First Dance Moms and now this mess. Oh Lifetime. You used to be TV for Women--and Gay Men. Now you're just TV for White Trash.
Except for Project Runway! I loves me some Runway!


Oh JLo. Seriously.
I mean, first there are the multiple marriages--and when you add them all up, they amount to even less time than Carlos and I have been together though we can't legally tie the know over and over and over and over and....
Where was I?
Oh yeah. JLo and Backup Dancer.
It seems that the Boy-Toy, Casper Not-So-Smart has given JLo the greatest gift of all.
No. Not an STD, silly, He tattooed her name on his penis.
And, given the size of his shoes,I think he went for JLo out of necessity--if you get my meaning--and not her real name Jennifer Lynn Lopez Noa Judd Anthony.
Still, what does it say about a forty-two-year-old mother of two who dates a man young enough to be her son and adores the fact that her name is inked on his mini-schlong?


We haven't heard from  Paris Hilton for a while, mainly because, well, she's over. But don't tell her that!
It seems the heiress-businesswoman-singer-actress-coke-mule was greatly “offended” when she was being interviewed by Australian TV show, “Sunrise,” with simple questions like what her typical day is like and the show her DJ boyfriend Afrojack was putting on that night at a big club opening.
But then correspondent Edwina Bartholmew politely asked: “What about when you’re not famous anymore, what are you going to do?” The 31-year-old Hilton responded by saying that she “just wants to be able to have children and have a normal life with my kids.”
Nice, except, it's high-larious! And except that her publicist later made it clear that the  heiress-businesswoman-singer-actress-coke-mule was not happy being asked about losing her fame.
Sunrise producers were told that if they aired the full interview they would not be allowed on the red carpet at the club opening that night.
The show ran it anyway proving that their question was legit, because, well, Paris is over.


It's safe to say I've never seen an episode of anything Whoredashian, and when the one with the La Grande Ass got married for a bout a minute last summer, you know, for ratings and such, I'd never even heard of her pro-athlete husband/ex-husband. I do know that his name started with a K, too, which made me suspicious that the whole thing was planned, you know, for ratings and such.
And now it seems that the ex-Mister Whoredashian is holding up the divorce until the Kash Kow comes clean that it was all staged and planned and made up and not real, except for the ratings and such, and all the gifts the Kash Kow got, and kept, and the millions she made for selling her soul for fame; not to mention her booty and her vah-jay-jay, according to a certain sex tape.
But I digress. And I will admit that I am loving that Kris Humphries is refusing to divorce Kim Kardashian unless she gives him a “public apology” and admits “the entire wedding was staged by her and her family.” In fact, he even turned down a seven million dollar settlement, or, er, hush money, offer.
A source--and, by source, I mean media-whoring Mama Kris Jenner--says, “Kris wants Kim to admit to fraud, to admit the whole thing was staged for publicity, to make a public apology to him because he really wanted a marriage.”
See, Kris put the kibosh on the divorce, and instead filed for an annulment based on fraud, and demanded Kim reveal how much she earned during their 72-day marriage, claiming she hasn’t given an honest account of the money made from their wedding. Kris has complied with turning over his bank records and credit card statements, but Kash Kow, so far, has not.
Still, the source, ahem, also says that Kim never offered him $7 million and “just wants to move on.”
See, the Kash Kow wants to play the victim, the innocent; like she never whored herself out to a boyfriend for some VHS fame. And she never whored out her family for some money. And she never whored herself out for some knickknacks and a big E! payday.
I ain't buying what she's selling and I hope Kris Humphries sticks to his guns.

Ashton Kutcher, he of Screwing Around His Wife Who looked Liked His Mother, and of  ALLEGEDLY schtupping Rihanna fame, was a presenter the Academy of country Music Awards the other night because it was on CBS and he's on CBS and, well, that's that.
But, for no real reason at all, he appeared on stage in some MGM wardrobe department cowboy costume from the Silent Era, and then proceeded to badly twang his way through a George Strait song, “I Cross My Heart” before handing over the trophy to Miranda Lambert.
And Lambert wasn't too amused by Kutcher's garb, or his song, or the fact that he's ALLEGEDLY schtupping Chris Brown's ex, and later Tweeted, “Was Ashton Kutcher making fun of country or is it just me? Watching it back now and I’m kinda wondering?”
Fellow country singer Justin Moore was more direct, and speedier, Tweeting from the audience while Kutcher schticked up the stage, “Seen Ashton kutcher at the acms tonight. What a douche! I don’t care for people making a mockery of the way country artists’ dress.”
Most folks in the crowd were less than thrilled with Kutcher's comical cowboy. At an afterparty, one source--and it may or may not have been Demi--said, “People were just like ‘why is he here?’ – he has nothing to do with country. Nobody laughed at his dumb jokes, in fact he came off as rude. He didn’t mingle.”
A second source--still Demi, I'm guessing--also says Kutcher walked around the bash “with a massive posse” and “stayed in that dumb outfit for the after party.” Cuz he's a big TV star, you know, and f**ked around on his wife.
Funny, no?
I think Kutcher thinks whatever he does, whether Tweeting support for a protector of pedophiles, or giggling while cheating on his wife, is all good press. I think Kutcher thinks too highly of himself. I think Kutcher thinks he's the be all and end all of a hot celeb.
I think Kutcher's a douchebag.



Barbra Streisand loves her gay son, Jason Gould. I mean, she doesn't really ever talk about him, but she loves him.
However....and isn't there always a however....she's not so keen about her gay son Jason being a sexual being. In fact, a source--and I think it's James Brolin--says, Babs has never been able to put up with his “promiscu­ous” ways and hasn’t talked to him in more than a year."
Ouch.
Jason, Barbra’s son former husband Elliott Gould, is has a reputation as a The Gay Casanova in New York’s gay community, ac­cording to the, um, source: “It’s terribly sad. There’s a tremendous strain in their relationship and it’s because they’re both so similar-- stubborn and pigheaded."
And both into hot guys. I mean, James Brolin is pretty hot, no?
Still, Babs is ter­rified that Jason is neglecting his health [he's openly HIV+] and fo­cusing too much attention on his social life. She wants him to fall in love with a nice boy and settle down, but he likes the single life.
When Barbra first heard rumors last year that Jason was involved in relationships with multiple men and en­gaging in public displays of affection, she blew up. She called Jason and told him he needed to settle down with one guy and to quit all the playing around--and if he was go­ing to be irresponsible with his life then she was going to wash her hands of him.
Her forty-five-year-old son? 
Jason told his mother to take her nose--and I'll make no jokes about The Schnoz--out of his business.
It's a standstill. She won't call until he cuts out the party boy stuff, and he won't call until she cuts out the meddling.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

I know. She's an idiot. I mean, she stashes cocaine in her vah-jay-jay. ALLEGEDLY.
But now, little Miss Paris Hilton is being blasted by Sarah Shahi, "star" of something called 'Fairly Legal', as being the "worst driver ever" because Paris ALLEGEDLY almost hit Shahi.
Trouble is, Paris says she wasn';t driving anywhere that day: "I was so shocked when I read that, too. First of all, I wasn't even driving that day. I just came back from Vegas with my boyfriend--and we were home relaxing. I hadn't even been in the car that day. I literally came with a driver from the airport went to my house."
Paris then lamented that perhaps it was someone who just looked like her.
Seriously? There's more than one vacuous blond bimbo with the IQ of soap and a cooch full of coke driving around LA.
Well........maybe.
Then  Paris goes on and on crying about the team of Paris look-a-likes "who do it for a living....always doing things and I'm getting blamed for it."
Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! 
Sarah Shahi won't back down, though, and ranted on Twitter--because how else do people communicate these days--about Hilton:
"Paris Hilton- worst driver ever. Almost hit me, then ran a stop sign.what if there was a kid around the corner, you dumb b--ch."
Shahi then called Paris a "horrible excuse for a human being" and a "blonde piece of sh-t".
Okay, so where's the rant? 

Because no one noticed, Kate Hudson announced she's engaged to Muse rocker, and her upcoming baby daddy, Matt Bellamy on The Today Show this week.
During a live interview with Matt Lauer, where Kate kept swatting her left hand through the air, Lauer finally broke down and mentioned the rock on her ring finger.
Hudson laughed: "It just happened a week ago, I'm so glad you noticed,. I haven't really announced it and I felt like the announcing thing feels so silly, and I was just waiting for someone to notice."
Which is why I've been batting my hand around like I'm hailing a freakin' cab before someone would ask me!!!!
Then Kate got all coy, refusing to discuss wedding dates or arrangements.
My guess is that she'll show up on Wendy Williams in a wedding dress and wait for Wendy to 'notice' it.
Just sayin'.

Talk about a fright.
Last October, Daniel Radcliffe admits he was terrified to hear Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling announce to Oprah that she might write another Harry Potter book, or two. Although Rowling has always insisted that she was done with seven books on the Junior Wizard, she said, "But you never know!"
Radcliffe was heard screaming, Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in!!!
After a team of paramedics revived him Radcliffe says he texted Rowling so her could clarify her comments. He won't say what she texted back, but I think it was along the lines of How did you get this number?
But it may take Rowling a long time to write books eight through forty-seven, and by the time they come to be filmed, Radcliffe will be too old to play a boy wizard.
At least that's what he hopes.

Glee spoilers! Glee spoilers!
And, no, Bret Easton Ellis hasn't been asked to write an episode.
But Mister Shue, Matthew Morrison, is talking about upcoming episodes, including the one where someone on the show will die.
Holy Moldavia Batman!
You mean someone more important that the Warbler mascot bird, Pavarotti?
Morrison says: "Somebody's dying. Obviously I'm not going to tell you who it is, but it's no-one that you would probably expect. The episode right before the finale is called 'Funeral'. We were actually at a funeral home yesterday, shooting all day. It was a very taxing day."
Someone.Dies.On.Glee?
What.Will.They.Sing?
Who do you think it is?

Talk about everything old being new again. or every old movie being made new again.
Former California Grope-enator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, is being shopped around Hollywood like a whore with a coke stash.
And Arnie is said to want to star in.....ANOTHER.....remake of 'The Terminator'. I guess he meant it when he said, "I'll be Bach."
And I thought he meant Johann Sebastian. Now that's a movie worth seeing.
Unfortunately there is no screenwriter attached yet, because most screenwriters are like, Um, this has been done, to death, and back again. But a director, ah, that's  a whore, er, horse of a different color has expressed interest. Apparently, Justin Lin, who is responsible for 'Fast Five'--the fifth installment of The Fast and The Furious, because four weren't enough--is getting wooed to helm the project.
Who's up for seeing Ah-nold back onscreen in Terminator: Rise Of The Man-Boobs?

Poor Lindsay.
After being sent back to the big house, er, the Lynwood Correctional Facility--where she was incarcerated for the unbelievable amount of five hours--Lohan is now crying that she's being punished because she's a celebrity.
Car thief? Jewel thief? Drug addict? Kidnapper?
Oh, yeah, how unfair.
A source close to Lindsay--and by source I mean Mama Dina who has a news crew permanently stationed in her home lest she go five minutes without publicity--says, "She is being treated differently from everyone else because she is famous. We were all in shock when she was forced to return to jail just to make an example out of her. It's not right. Especially when she is working so hard to live a healthy life."
Last week, a judge ruled that Lindsay, who has been accused of stealing a necklace, was in violation of probation and was jailed for five hours before someone--a drug dealer, I'm thinking, because she's his best client--got her out.
Dina, er, the source, adds, "She is innocent and can't understand what is going on. She didn't steal any necklace and will be found innocent. It's obvious this is only happening because she is famous and anyone that thinks celebrities get away with stuff or let off will think again after seeing this."
Hey Lindsay, listen up you utter moron: if you were Lindsay Lohan, working at the Forever 21 store in Dayton, Ohio, and had done all of the things you've done in your short stint of adulthood, you'd have been locked away for years.
Years.
So do not play this Poor me crap.
And do not make me go to my manicurist and have my Fuck You nail reapplied.
Please. Go to jail. Do not pass go. Do not talk, whine, cry.
You're over.


Rob Lowe, or, as he's known by his porn name, Raw Blow, must have a pretty selective memory. See, in his new auto-biography, 'Stories I Only Tell My Friends,' he conveniently glosses over his six-year relationship, engagement to, and loss of a child with, actress Melissa Gilbert.
Lucky for him Michael Landon isn't alive. He's take Lowe out behind the barn for a whoopin'.
In her tell-all, 'Prairie Tale,' Gilbert revealed she'd had three nose jobs by age 20, struggled with drugs and alcohol, and then wrote page after page about her love affair with Rob Lowe, including losing his child.
Rob Lowe, on the other hand, in his book, dishes about his Hollywood bromances with Charlie Sheen and Sean Penn, dining out with Chris Farley and many more important things than a  six-year relationship. Of course, he also makes scant mention of his infamous--because of the underage girls--sex tape.
In Melissa's book she mentions Rob Lowe 77 times.
In Lowe's book, he mentions Gilbert 4 times.
Guess the relationship and the miscarriage meant more to her?
She writes on and on that she "fell instantly, hopelessly and stupidly in love" with him, then wallows in the anguish of losing him. He talks about how, when Gilbert's mom tried to keep them apart, he began spending more time with Charlie Sheen and his brother, Emilio Estevez. He makes absolutely no mention of the length and intensity of their relationship, their brief engagement and Melissa's miscarriage.
I guess it meant more to her than to him. He had buddies to drink with and underage girls to screw.
Just sayin'.

Bon Jovi rocker Richie Sambora has checked himself into rehab. Again.
And not just for rocking the Jane Fonda in Klute wig. But, for, among other things, like, um, sobriety "issues". A source--and by source, I mean Denise Richards, because she's the go-to source for all things Sambora or Sheen--says, "Richie recently has been drinking too much, and wants to get his life together."
He also checked himself into rehab for exhaustion.
Exhaustion rehab? Seriously?
Is there a rehab for everything now, because I may need a Bravo rehab one of these days. Or a Logo rehab. Top Chef: Rehab.
But Sambora, who's been on tour with Bon Jovi, says he needs time to regroup. And take a nap. ALLEGEDLY.
A friend--Hi Denise--says: "Richie has had a busy year. I think this was a culmination of all the things that overloaded his life and finally he realized he needed to take care of himself."
This isn't Sambora's first time at the rehab rodeo. He made his first appearance at the career boosting rehabbing Cirque Lodge back in 2007, right after he divorced his wife, Heather Locklear, and broke up with his girlfriend, Denise Richards.
Maybe he needs a Blonde Starlet rehab?


This guy is a pig.
He thinks he might be the next Robert DeNiro, when he more like the next Robert DeLusional. But self-titled Hollywood bad boy, and wannabe movie star, Alex Pettyfer, has given an interview where he discusses everything, from a sad, sick tattoo, to his hatred for LA.
The star--hee hee, I giggle at that.....star....--of 'I Am Number Four'--remember when it was in theaters for an hour or so?--gave a candid interview to VMAN magazine where he revealed that he has a tattoo, right above his crotch that says, "Thank You".
I imagine the proper tattoo should have said, "That isn't a toothpick, it's my dick."
Pettyfer, ever the gentleman, says he got the tattoo, "in case I forget to say it."
Oh, honey, you don't have to say Thank you. Just leave the money on the nightstand. Or the passenger seat. Or the next urinal.
Pettyfer, who was once considered, by himself mostly, to be on the Hollywood fast-track to stardom, until his head got ginormous--making his penis appear even smaller--now says, "I really don't give a s**t about any of that. I wish I had some interesting stories about living in L.A., but mostly I just do my work and then go home. Being an actor is like being in prison. You go, you serve your time, you try and replicate Johnny Depp's career and then you move to Paris."
Oh, honey, you're no Johnny Depp. He has talent.
And it seems that Hollywood, like me, has developed a distaste for Pettyfer. After rumors of his ALLEGED erratic behavior, most bigwigs in Hollywood are steering clear of Pettyfer.
Unless they're wearing a Hazmat suit.

Looks like 'Two and a Half Men' will be back in the fall, and it will be Sheen-less.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.
'Men' creator Chuck Lorre is ALLEGEDLY working on a reboot of the I-have-no-idea-why-it's-so-popular sitcom, and Sheen is out, though Jon Cryer, who without this would have no career whatsoever, is in.
Winning!
Cryer has ALLEGEDLY been presented with a plan that would focus on his character, Alan, and a new character--someone Sheen-like, but not Sheen--who has yet to be cast. Lorre has ALLEGEDLY presented  his idea to a few Hollywood players, and the network and studio are aware of his intention to overhaul the series.
Though no actor has emerged as the frontrunner to replace Sheen--both Rob Lowe and John Stamos were rumored--the network has yet to schedule the return of 'Two and a Half Men.'
But CBS could be eying it as a mid-season launch.
Or it, like Sheen, could just go away.

Saturday, April 09, 2011

I Ain't One To Gossip, But......

Wow, am I shocked.
Charlie Sheen's, um, yeah, 'tour' is a bit of a bomb.
Opening night in Detroit saw a sold-out crowd of more than 4,500 packed into the Fox Theater, dying to see the trainwreck perform, um, live. But from all reports, it was a thoroughly disastrous night for the "warlock."
Some audience members, obviously the ones who've been screaming at their TV sets during Charlie's wackadoo interviews, began the show by heckling the warm-up guy. It got so ugly, in fact, that someone woke Charlie from a drug-induced coma and shoved him onstage and reprimand the crowd--to no avail.
The comic was booed off the stage, and house lights soon came up, causing the impatient masses to grow even more restless, as they waited for the Sheen Show to start.
And, finally, when the headliner launched into his first 'Violent Torpedo of Truth' performances--more than an hour after the disjointed show first started--the ovation turned to boos and jeers and walkouts.
Quelle surprise!
Many in the crowd demanded their money back--and let me say this, if you paid money to see Charlie Sheen....Charlie Effin' Sheen...and felt taken, too bad--but were denied.
But many of those demanding s refund might have wanted the money to spend on souvenirs, and by souvenirs,m I don't mean bricks of cocaine; those all go directly to Sheen. But you could buy t-shirts emblazoned with Charlie-isms like "F---ing Brilliant!" and "I'm on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen".
And me, nowhere near Detroit. Boo-freaking-hoo.
The, um, 'show,' such as it was featured scores of video clips, including fan tributes from YouTube, violent film excerpts and one of Sheen just playing Call of Duty. As the crowds began to rant and rave about the horrid performance, Sheen told them, "I've already got your money!"
And sent it straight up his nose.
Other Charlie-isms, for which Detroitians paid $45:
"Tonight is an experiment"
"I am finally here to identify and train the Vatican assassin locked inside each and every one of you"
"Show of hands here who has tried crack? :::crickets::: I don't do crack anymore, but this is a good f---ing night to do some crack"
Is anybody else as confused by this s--t as I am? I wrote every word!"
OMG He is high-larious. See what i did there? High...........larious?


And speaking of trainwrecks, wannabes, and whores.
Heidi Montag, Jake Pavelka, and Danielle Staub are apparently starring in their own reality show. Or, maybe because they're all famewhores they just gathered togetherher and paid people to film them.
Montag, best known for using plastic surgery to transform herself from a pretty young girl into an inflatable sex doll with the IQ of a bar of soap, sat alongside Pavelka, who is best known for speed dating through twenty-six women and falling in love with one and then proposing and then breaking it off and then calling her all sorts of evil names on TV.
He's.A.Keeper.
Not far behind was former Real Housewives of New Jersey's very own Danielle Staub, AKA prostitution whore, drug mule, and star of her own poorly selling sex tape.
Heidi, Jake and Danielle.
Definitely Must-Not-See TV.

And, now for some good gay news.
Newly out, and still enjoying her Coming Out tool-belt and Home Depot gift card, country singer Chely Wright is engaged.
Her fiancĂ©e, Lauren Blitzer, a LGBT Civil Rights activist, and Chely have set a date and plan to be married this summer in Connecticut, where equality lives for all people, not just the heterosexual kind.
It seems that Chely and Lauren met through LGBT youth advocacy work, and realized they both have a love for, um, Scrabble?
Scrabble. Is that some sort of Lesbian sex game? Just asking.
Chely Wright, who once considered suicide rather than coming out as a lesbian, now says, "The freedom of being out and open about who I am allowed me to find and fall in love with Lauren...the most amazing woman I've ever known."
Congrats ladies.
And, as a wedding gift, I've registered you two at Ace Hardware, and will be gifting you with a belt sander and some Doc Martens.
Enjoy!
 
It looks like Lindsay Lohan's association with crime isn't quite over yet.
But maybe, just maybe,m this time crime will pay. It seems that La Lohan is in "final talks" to play mob-daughter Victoria Gotti in 'Gotti: Three Generations,' an upcoming  feature film about Victoria's mafioso father, John.
If this holds up--and it depends on whethe Lindsay goes back to jail or rehab for the summer--she'll star opposite seriously heterosexual John Travolta, who has agreed to play John Gotti.
And to make this film even more of a circus, rumors are swirling--as rumors are apt to do--that Kim Kardashian recently met with executive producers to discuss playing John's daughter-in-law, Kim Gotti.
A Kardashian and a Lohan, together.
This just reeks of an Oscar winning film.
Oscar.Mayer.
Producer Marc Fiore, who obviously has grandiose dreams, says his $75 million production is "going to be the new 'Godfather.'"
Oh, but he did.
There was another story out that Lindsay would play Sharon Tate in a film about Charles Manson.
Or that she would be in the new 'Superman' movie.
But those have to wait, while Lindsay sees if she stars in Prison Bitch.
That's not a film, that's her future.

This has crazy written all over it.
After Britney Spears', um, lethargic-looking demeanor during promotional performances for her new album, comes word that Brit-Brit doesn't want to be bothered performing any more.
She wants to act.
A source--and by source, I mean the team of men who hoist her Frito-laden ass about the stage with she lip-syncs to songs she does not remember--says, "Britney is very mindful that she has to evolve as an artist now she is heading towards her thirties. Music will always be a part of her life but she has come to love acting, and comedy especially. She is currently considering a few scripts. One is a comedy and a kind of parody of the popstar she is and the other is a more serious role which is an action movie."
A serious role in an action movie? Aint no such thing.
But the question I pose is this: if Spears cannot be bothered to learn to sing, much less learn the dance moves, to take this new album on tour, how will she ever become an actress?
Seriously, she has all the intelligence of a pork rind.
I see Brit-Brit's future like this: wackadoo tours, more head-shaving, more drama, another wackadoo tour, and then she'll fade from view, only to resurface in 2041 on some Bravo reality show, like, well, maybe, the Real Housewives of Backswamp.

And the gay is coming out after more than fifty years.
The 1951 novel From Here to Eternity, by James Jones, is set to be re-issued digitally through eBook firm called Open Road, and it will ALLEGEDLY feature two scenes involving gay content that were previously censored from the original publication.
Uh-huh. FHTE is going back to its gay roots.
The novel, which focuses on US soldiers serving in Hawaii in the months leading up to Pearl Harbor, was later adapted into a 1953 film starring Frank Sinatra. In the original book, there were two scenes that didn't make the cut: one focused on Private Angelo Maggio--the role Sinatra played in the film--revealing that he had sometimes been paid to have oral sex with another man; the other excised scene involved a military investigation into possible homosexual activity.
In addition to The Gay, the filthy language of the original novel is being pout back in. Get ready for some F-bombs.
James Jones' daughter, Kaylie, explains: "My father fought bitterly to hold on to every four-letter word in the manuscript. The publisher was concerned about getting through the censors."
And so The Gay and The Profane were cut from the novel and from the film, but now they're back, baby. And maybe that famous beach scene, with Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr, could be filmed again with, say, Colin Farrell and Matt Damon?
Just asking.

What does an actress do after she costars in an Oscar-nominated film?
Well, if you're Mila Kunis, fresh off her hot 'Black Swan' performance, you see what kind of offers come up, and then you take your pick.
One part, though, that Kunis won't be taking, even though an offer was made and all other parties are, um, into it, is being one of Charlie Sheen's goddesses.
Indeed!
At the Columbus, Ohio stop on his horrendously awful  'My Violent Torpedo Of Truth/Defeat Is Not An Option Tour,' Sheen began a campaign to secure Kunis as goddess number three in the Sheen crackhouse, saying, "Here's the good news: my goddesses have already f**king approved [Mila]. She's pre-approved! I'm going to go on her Facebook page and discover her likes. I'm going to buy them all and then she can come steal them. A super f---ing hot thief named Mila Kunis. Mila, please, we have a warehouse full of your favorite s--t to steal," 
And she must be thrilled.
And then, in incoherent Sheen-speak, he added: "I would have great tolerance for many missing items provided it involves Mila f**king Kunis. If Mila Kunis is stealing your s**t , trust me, you're still f**king winning, you're still winning at that moment."
For her part, rumor has it that Mila Kunis was less than thrilled with that particular offer, and even a little disgusted by it. Pals close to the actress say Thanks but no thanks, to Charlie, adding, "Obviously Charlie wanted to name someone who would create publicity for his tour, but the thought of it grosses Mila out."
It grosses me out, too.
And most of America.

More on Brit-Brit.
Less than a day after Spears debuted her new music video for 'Till the World Ends', she is fighting off rumors that she used a body double in the video.
Is that so far off the mark? I mean, she doesn't actually "sing" so should we be surprised that she also doesn't "dance"?
It is being suggested that choreographer and backup dancer Tiana Brown plays the role of Britney Spears' body in the video--accusations that the Spears camp, Camp HooHaw, denies. Now, to be fair, Brown has danced on the road with Britney on the 'Circus Starring Britney Spears Tour', but the rote answer Brit offered when asked if she's got a body double is, Oh hell to the no. It's Britney, bitch!
But then she turned to her handlers and asked, Which one is Britney?

Wow. Sink much.
He was one-half of a gay-married couple on The Amazing Race.
Then he dated Lance Bass.
Then he "starred" on Logo's The A-List.
And now, you ask--or maybe don't ask, though I'll tell you anyway--what is Reichen Lehmkuhl up to now?
Apparently, while waiting for season two of A-list to start, Reichen has gotten himself a side job spanking his monkey on a webcam, though the paycheck is about as big as the payoff. The pictures of his choking the chicken session made their way on to the Internet this week, and I, for one, was waiting for Reichen to deny that the pictures were of his Little Reichen being strangled.
Not so.
After confirming that the images were, in fact, him, Lehmkuhl released a statement:
"I don't feel that this story represents anything different in me than what the majority of gay men have done at one point or another--as far as posting a private picture over internet lines for private viewing. In my, now, nine years of being in the public eye, I've seen many less-flattering photos attributed to me, so that's a plus. Moving on…"
Moving on?
To what?
A little back-door video? Or, howsabout moving on to something else altogether, like, say, obscurity?

Oh, Paris! Were you jealous that Lindsay was getting all the jewel thief press and just couldn't stand it for another minute?
It seems that old-coke-in-the-vah-jay-jay,Paris Hilton, is being sued by the insurance company of Damiani jewelry, ALLEGING that she hasn't returned $60,000 worth of loaned jewels.
Wow. You beat Lindsanity there. She just, um, "borrowed" a $2500 necklace, but you've upped the ante.
It seems that the jewelry in question was part of the $2.8 million stash that was stolen from her house, while she was "borrowing"them, by the Hollywood Bling Ring back in 2009. The jewels were eventually recovered and returned to Hilton, who then never bothered to give them back to the jeweler.
What is it about the celebutards that they forget to put on underwear and return things they borrow?
And the insurance company, Allianz, even blames Paris for the robbery because she left her front door unlocked and ALLEGEDLY left the jewelry lying about like she does her cocaine.
A representative for Paris, who spends most days trying to explain the alphabet to the heiress, says: "We only just received the complaint but it is clear that it is not based on fact. Among other things, nobody from the Hilton team ever told the insurance company that the Damiani items that were stolen were returned. We are not aware of any of the Damiani items being recovered by the police, only costume jewelry was recovered."
It's the old I-ain't-got-your-stinking-jewels routine!
But if it doesn't play out like that, can you imagine the fun of prison if Lindsay and Paris are  jailed together? I mean, which one would be the other one's bitch? And which one could carve a shiv out of soap?

Star Jones is everywhere on the small screen, filling it up from corner to corner and top to bottom, as she scurries about to promote her new book, 'Satan's Sisters'. But, um, she ALLEGEDLY won't be making an appearance on 'The View'.
And, as Star is apt to do, whenever she isn't eating, which is rare, she's yapping it up about ALLEGED  reports that Barbara Walters is personally blocking her from ever showing up at 'The View' again.
Between bites of a Brontosaurs Burger, she says, "You can't push Barbara into doing anything! Are you out of your mind?"
And then she said, "Nom nom nom nom burp."
Star has, however, appeared on the former co-host Joy Behar's show, and while Star moaned and kvetched and ate a bowl of rigatoni, Joy made it very clear she had nothing to do with the guest bookings at her other job. She did, however, seem to be happy speaking to, and feeding, her former co-host.
Of course, a source for ABC--and by source, i mean the guy who defrosts Walters each day before she appears on-set--says, "Since the show began, Ms. Walters has made it her practice not to book the program."
Riiiight.
Maybe the reason Bab doesn't want Star back, aside from the increased food budget, is that Star's, ahem, novel, 'Satan's Sisters' is the tale of five women on a talk show where "alliances are forged, careers are made, and bridges are burned."
The matriarch, AKA old lady newswoman, of a fictional show, called 'The Lunch Club,' is a character named Maxine Robinson, the first African-American to become a network news anchor. Maxine is conniving and borderline nasty.
Sounds a little Walters-esque, eh?
But I'd love to see Star and Barbara togetehr again. Especially in the heat of summer. The iciness between the two women would certainly cool off a hot August afternoon.