Showing posts with label Kim Kardashian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kim Kardashian. Show all posts

Saturday, September 27, 2014

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Ariana Grande is a diva. She actually out-mariahs Mariah, y’all, especially if you say ‘Mariah’ in her presence. And more and more people are talking about her diva attitude, which kinda lends credence to every story that follows.

A source — and it could be Dina Lohan since Lindsay’s broke and selling “I Rolled Whitney Through The Morgue” stories for cash — says, “Having a preferred side is nothing new. Barbra Streisand, Mariah Carey and even Tina Fey have them. The difference is that normally a publicist will come up and politely ask that you shoot X from X side. With Ariana’s team, it is a demand from the beginning … Instead of coming off like an assertive woman who knows what she wants, it makes Ariana seem like a toddler throwing a tantrum and her parents handling the dirty work for her.”

This week, a behind-the-scenes video of Grande’s Marie Claire cover shoot surfaced, showing the pop starlet — who is currently dating Naya Rivera’s leftovers, AKA fiancé Big Sean —walking around the set during which time she is photographed Left Side Only.

When asked to confirm whether Grande prefers to be filmed from her left side only, a Marie Claire publicist says, “Ariana arrived on set wearing jeggings, a black Nadia Tarr tank top, black suede Louis Vuitton pumps, and a beige Prada tote, sporting her signature high ponytail. ‘It’s a natural face-lift,’ she joked.”

Uh huh. No comment would have been easier, and that’s just what Ariana’s people said … nothing.
I guess I called it wrong — I do that … sometimes — but the other night Lindsay Lohan actually made her stage debut in London’s West End revival of Speed-the-Plow. She didn’t call in sick; she wasn’t found passed out in the mini-bar of her hotel; she didn’t steal any jewels during intermission; she wasn’t rushed to hospital suffering exhaustion in the third act.

But the reviews; ah, the reviews. They range from “trainwreck” to “boring” — with “trainwreck” being American for “Lindsay Lohan,” I think.

According to some London papers, both Lindsay and her co-star, Richard Schiff — formerly of The West Wing­ — had serious problems remembering their lines: note to Dick Schiff, do not drink from Lindsay’s water” bottle backstage; note to Lohan: stop reading your lines from the inside of a prop book onstage because it didn’t fool the audience at all!

And, since Lohan was playing the part of a delusional, obsessive compulsive, many in the audience thought she was playing herself and actually laughed out loud during certain parts of the dramatic play. Such as when Lindsay missed her cue; now, to be fair, the audience waited patiently, but when she still said nothing, the tee-hee-ing began, which lead to actual laughter when Schiff’s character said to Lohan’s character, “You have done a fantastic job!”

Later, when Lohan’s Karen said, I know what it is to be bad, I’ve been bad,” the audience guffawed.

Guffawed! Ow.
After her Butter Palace melted last year when the world learned of her racist comments and racist policies at her restaurants, people began dropping Paula Deen like a bad racist habit. And so, with her wallet on the line, she began a media assault rivaled only by the storming of the beaches of Normandy in the Second World War.

She was everywhere, tears streaming down her face, the I’m sorry’s drizzling like molasses from her lips. She was wrong, she was misunderstood, it was a different time … you know, when racism was good and The Colored Folk knew their place; Paula’s utopia. And then she was gone and life was good and low-calorie again.

Only now Deen’s comes roaring back to sit with Matt Lauer on The today Show again and talk again and apologize again. Lauer started off by reminding us how many companies dropped Paula after she admitted to tossing the N-word around like she was dressing an endive salad, but he failed to talk about how Paula wanted the black employees at her restaurants to dress up like Mammies and Pappies in their cute little jackets and how they should jump through hoops and call her Miss Paula and kiss her feet when she deigned to acknowledge them,.

Then it was Paula’s turn to talk; she said she shouldn’t have been on Today last year, that she should’ve been at home under a doctor’s care — apparently there’s a medical reason for being a giant racist f%k — and then she started pimping out her latest project, an online recipe subscription page … for whites only … okay, maybe she didn’t say whites only, but it was implied, I’m sure.

Matt asked Paula what she’s learned about herself and the tears came, and the sad eyes came, and the drawl came out stronger than ever:

“I’ve learned so much over the year, it’s going to require another book. We are working on a documentary that’s going to air on [my] network because I feel like everybody needs to know the whole entire story.”

Ka-ching! I’m going to make a profit off my racism because those asshats that think I’ve been treated badly will pay to hear me whine some more … and whine some more she did:

“It’s the power of words, I don’t care how old they are, words are so powerful. They can hurt, they can make people happy. Well, my words hurt people. They disappointed people, frankly I disappointed myself. For that, I’m so sorry for the hurt, I caused people because it went deep. People lost their jobs, it went deep into corporate America. I’m here to make people happy, not to bring sadness.”

That’s southern for: “I’m sorry for all the money I lost.”

Bless her heart. That’s Southern for: “Shut up you ignorant bitch.”
Kim Kardashian got naked in front of some cameras. Again.

Apparently, someone hacked Kim’s iCloud — or, what I think happened, That Woman emailed the pictures for a pre-fixed amount — and found some nekkid pictures of The Kardastrophe that have now found their way into the public domain.

Show of hands … who’s surprised? Who’s surprised that a woman who made her name on being the star of a homemade porn tape that her own mother shopped around to garner some attention, would have nekkid pictures of herself stolen? Anyone?

That’s what I thought.
Now, on the other hand, actress Gabrielle Union also had some of her nude photos hacked and then leaked to the media, too.

I’m ambivalent about all of this and here’s why, Gabby: I’ve never taken a nude selfie because I know, yes, know, that if you have those kinds of pictures on any kind of electronic device, they can be stolen. Now, I also know that no one wants to see my nude selfie because I’m not some famous person … like you, a basketball player’s wife.

But here’s what I also find odd; it’s been a few weeks since the first round of Nudie Hacking started and so why didn’t any of these new women think, Uh oh, I’ve got some nekkids out there I better delete ‘em and get my phone into a Silkwood scrubdown.

Well, because it’s publicity; the kind you can act all shocked about; the kind you can pretend you don’t want — like when all the starlets and hookers, from Britney to Paris to Lindsay were flashing they’re vaginas while getting out of cars — even though you took the pictures, and saved the pictures, and possibly even sent the pictures through the internet ether to whomever you thought wanted to see your ladybits.

You don’t want your nude selfies hacked and leaked then DON’T TAKE NUDE SELFIES.

Problem solved … and you’re welcome.
My ears! My ears!

I’m just practicing, but y’all better get ready, too, because Kylie Jenner has finally realized that she’ll never be a Big-Assed Porn Star married to a Big Headed Maniac, and she won’t be a Rail Thin Model, so she’s going into Ali Lohan Mode: she’s gonna sing, y’all!

A source—and you know it’s That Woman—says, “Kylie has found her calling in life — to be a singer! She is in training right now with vocal coach and producer, Tim Carter.”

Carter produced Willow Smith’s one-hit-wonder “Whip My Hair” and has worked with Kanye’s former BFFs Jay Z and Beyoncé, and nothing is too good for That Woman’s paycheck, er, daughter.  In fact, That Woman says, “Kylie is now working on her first single! She is telling everyone that she knows she is going to be the next Katy Perry.”

There isn’t enough money in the world to make that happen, but what I do see happening is a Kylie Jenner-Ali Lohan duet called “We’re Not Our Sisters But Our Mother’s Still Whore Us Out.”

I might buy that.
Gwyneth Paltrow keeps acting like she’s fine after consciously uncoupling with her husband and after schtupping Brad Falchuk, the married, but now headed for divorce, big-shot from Glee, but is she really okay now that Chris is dating the much younger, far more talented, far more fun loving, Oscar winner and triple nominee, Jennifer Lawrence?

The simple answer is No.

They might be “consciously uncoupled” but Paltrow still making sure she has a place in Chris Martin’s life … well, not in his life, but in his weekly schedule.

In fact, while she publicly says she’s happy he’s dating JLaw — and you know she’s not because JLaw is JLaw and Paltrow is a Martha Stewart-wannabe-not-gonna-happen — she’s created a set schedule for Chris on when, and how long, and possibly with whom, he can see his children.

A source — and it could be Martha still on the attack — says, “Gwyneth still has a lot of control over him, which isn’t exactly desirable to prospective girlfriends. The way things are at the moment, no sane person would want to be an accessory to their conscious uncoupling.”

Except for JLaw, who seems unfazed by the whole thing, even becoming a sort of Coldplay groupie and following Chris around the country while Goop sits at home and tried to fill in martin’s calendar with play-dates and Mommy and Me time.
Now, let’s end with more Ariana …

A man has posted a story of the time his young daughter — a former Grande fan but now not so much — met her idol.

One day, in 2011, before she was anything more than a Nickelodeon blip, Ariana tweeted that she would be visiting the Titanic exhibit at the Luxor in Las Vegas. A young girl begged her dad to drive her down to the hotel — they lived nearby — so she could sneak a peek at her idol.

They waited outside, hoping to see Ariana, and she finally made an appearance with her mother and two other people. Ariana, spotting her fan, said, “Hi. Do you want a picture?”
“Yes, please. I’m such a fan of yours. I saw your tweet and hoped I could come down and meet you.”

“Aww, that’s so cool,” replied Ariana, “What’s your name?”

They chatted for a minute or two, and then posed for a photo. Ariana said she thought she looked terrible in the photo — maybe it was a Rightie? — asked for a do-over, hugged her young fan and left.

Flash forward to August, 2014. Ariana is a superstar and MTV is running a contest for fans to meet her at the MTV Music Awards. This same young girl enters the contest by producing some artwork about Ariana and writing a letter about how much she loves the budding superdiva. The girl was interviewed via phone by an MTV rep and a few days later it was announced that she was one of two winners.

She went to Hollywood, stayed in a hotel, and was told to get to the L.A. Forum for a 5PM meeting with Ariana. MTV didn’t provide transportation, so she took a cab and made it to the Forum, but was not allowed inside or even permitted to wait in the parking lot.

At some point she was allowed into the parking lot — where the winners and guests stayed—but kept being pushed back as more “important” people came in; it was now past 7:30PM. Finally, someone from MTV told her that she and the other winner would be interviewed on camera, and were to talk about what it was like meeting Ariana— even though the interview was taped before Grande ever appeared; in addition, they were each told what to say.

After the fake interview, Ariana arrived to do her own interview, away from her fans; afterwards she approached them without so much as a smile, and was surrounded by 8 to 10 assistants who barked instructions to her fans:  “You are not to present Ariana with any type of gift or anything. Give them to security and they will get them to her. You can take a selfie with her, but nothing else.”

Then Mariana, er Ariana, came over. She spent 15 seconds with each winner, took the pre-approved photos and that was it. No talking, no smiling, no thank you. She never bothered to even ask their names. She didn’t inquire as to who the contest winners were, as opposed to their guests, or what they created to win the right to meet her, but the young girl walked up to her and said “Ari, here’s a photo we took together in Vegas at the Titanic…”

Grande glanced at the photo on the girl’s phone and said, “Let’s redo that picture.”

She said nothing else, so the girl retook the photo, and then gave Ariana one of the drawings that won the contest for her; when the girl’s sister began taking pictures of her sister and Grande, Ariana snapped: “Delete those pictures, please."

The sister asked if she could keep the one of her sister showing the drawing, and Ariana turned to her security and ordered, “Make sure she deleted those.” Then she walked away without a word leaving the MTV reps — shocked by what they’d seen — to say, “Sometimes celebrities are like that.”

Some celebrities are bitches, and their fans don’t forget.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

At a recent concert in Sydney, Kanye Kardastrophe, nee West, called out a pair of fans for not standing up while he was pontificating. Trouble was, one fan had a prosthetic limb, and the other was in a wheelchair.

Uh huh. Kanye — who once sang, er, spoke, “They tryna put me on the schoolbus with the space for the wheelchair” — stopped his show cold after discovering that some audience members weren’t standing up to honor him for all that he is, or at least all that his Krazy Brain thinks he is.

Stopping the show, he ALLEGEDLY said, “I can’t do this song. I can’t do this show until everybody stand up… Unless you got a handicap pass and you get special parking and shit. Imma see you if you ain’t standing up, believe me, I’m very good at that.”

And from there it got worse; most of his fans got up — because they’re sheep — but Kanye soon noticed two fans who stayed seated and he refused to continue the show until they stood up and danced like everyone else.

One of the fans took off her prosthetic leg — shades of RHoNY for all you RHoNY-ites — and proved she did have a “handicap pass” and Kanye said, oh so gallantly, “Okay, you fine.”

English is not his official language. But then KrayKrayKanye stared at the other fan, still seated … oh the nerve … and said, “This is the longest I’ve had to wait to do a song, it’s unbelievable.”

People in the audience tried to tell the megalomaniac that he was talking to a fan in a wheelchair — even miming wheelchair signs with their arms — but Kanye wasn’t to be placated. He actually sent a bodyguard into the crowd to confirm that the seated fan was, in fact, in a wheelchair.

Then he said, “He is in a wheelchair? It’s fine!”

Bless you, Motherf%er.
And, of course, after the story went viral, he sent his Flying Monkey, AKA Missus Kanye Kardastrophe, out to do damage control. She chimed in like this on WheelChairGate:
“What an amazing Australian tour! Its [sic] frustrating that something so awesome could be clouded by lies in the media. Kanye never asked anyone in a wheel chair to stand up & the audience videos show that. He asked for everyone to stand up & dance UNLESS they were in a wheel chair. #JustWantedEveryoneToHaveAFunNight #TheMediaTwistsThings”
Funny, though, that’s not what the audience says, Kimmy.

Still, she is kinda right, he never asked “anyone in a wheelchair to stand up” but he did stop his show until everyone stood up, and continued to stop the show until he was made aware of a girl with prosthetic limbs and a man in a wheelchair.

Kim and Kanye are both so ridiculously self-involved, and self-important that they would never consider the idea that perhaps he shouldn’t have stopped the entire show because of a couple people didn’t stand for him.

Maybe they, like most rational folks didn’t stand for him because they actually can’t stand him.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is a big star, with the big arms and the big legs and the big chests and the big head to go with it.

For years he has wanted to play a villain in a James Bond film because his grandfather, Peter Maivia, did it in 1967’s You Only Live Twice, but it never happened for The Rock. Until now … and then it was gone. I mean, he had the job; he’d be in a Bond film; he’d be the bad guy. So what happened? The Rock’s big headed demand for a big payday.

An industry insider — insider, so you know it isn’t Lohan — says, “Dwayne asked for more money than Daniel Craig gets to play Bond!”

Yup, the guy who wanted to play a secondary character in a Bond film wanted more money than the guy that plays Bond. It just proves that even though The Rock has a big head, and bigger ego, he has a very tiny brain.
Okay, so a few years back Hugh Grant got a ladyfriend pregnant. The lady was Tinglan Hong, and the couple had some sort of friends-with-benefits-casual-dating thing going on until the knock-up happened. Grant bought the Baby Mama a nice mansion in which to live and raise his mistake, er, child, a daughter named Tabitha Grant. And then, seven months later Grant apparently accidentally knocked up his “friend” again! And she subsequently gave birth to a son, Felix Chang Hong Grant.

Now, in the midst of knocking up his casual date twice Grant impregnated a Swedish woman named Anna Eberstei, who gave birth to a boy whose name we do not know — perhaps she wasn’t as close a friend as Tinglan?

But Hugh once again purchased a home for Anna, another mansion apartment close to his mansion, but not too close to his other Baby Mama’s manse, if you get my meaning.

Yup, casual dating lead to Hugh Grant becoming a father at the age of 54 three times in just fifteen months!

Straight people. But, think of it this way, go on a date with Hugh Grant, get knocked up, and you get a mansion.

And you get a mansion! And you get a mansion!
God, I love, and fear, Martha Stewart. She is not playing with anyone. You hear that Goop?
Apparently, Martha Stewart sat down for an interview with Net-a-Porter’s Porter Magazine and some of her more delicious, home-cooked quotes have leaked online, the best ones about a certain sex-crazed, recently uncoupled “star” who wants to dethrone Queen Martha.

Yup, here’s what Martha Stewart said about Gwyneth Paltrow:
“She just needs to be quiet. She’s a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn’t be trying to be Martha Stewart.”
Oh for the love of the Baby Jeebus, where to begin? With Gwynnie being told to zip it? Yeah, that’s good. But the snark about ‘if’ she were confident in her acting. Suh-nap!
Lindsay Lohan is at it again, y’all.

No, not getting arrested. No, not back in rehab. No, not drunk in a nightclub … okay, maybe that last one is true, but what Lindsay is really up to again is telling more of her cracked out lies and this one’s a doozy.

Remember when Lohan violated her probation in 2011 by driving drunk again, and she was sentenced to four months of community service at the L.A. County Morgue? Well, she was sent to work in the morgue, because the judge wanted her to see the place she’d send people if she kept drunk driving. Sounds like a good idea, and would probably work for most people, but since the corpses didn’t speak, or talk back, Lindsay felt like she was the queen bee on a film set somewhere.

Now, though, while talking to The Telegraph about that play in London she’s going to ruin next month, there was some mention of her morgue duties and Lohan let it slip that she had personally rolled Whitney Houston’s body bag through the building.

I bet she was the one that snapped that picture the family sued about, eh?

Lohan; dropping dead people’s name just for the attention except … It was a lie, like most words that fall out of the Lohan Cake-Hole.

See, there are pictures of Lindsay in New York — three thousand miles away — on Saturday, February 11, 2012, the day that Whitney Houston in LA, and now an official from the Coroner’s Office says that Houston’s body was never in a bag and that no one in the probation program — even seven time loser Lindsay Lohan — came in contact with Whitney’s body.

God, is there anything this woman won’t do or say to keep her name in the press? Lying about a woman’s dead body in an article to publicize the next job from which she’ll be fired?
Speaking of doing or saying anything to keep your name in the press: Beyoncé.

We all heard the rumors of the Bey-Jay-Sol Elevator-palooza and then the rumors of the Bey-Jay divorce. Well, now it appears that Beyoncé’s father is saying that both events were calculated and planned to sell more tickets to their combined “On The Run” tour because, you know, being talented isn’t enough to put butts in seats.

And they may be at it again since all these new pictures of Beyoncé are coming out implying that she may be pregnant again. She's been seen getting off planes and boarding yachts doing the Hold-Your-Stomach-Because-You're-Pregnant walk. Uh huh.

And, naturally, even Jay Z got into the act of self-involved-promotion by changing the rap during one of their final “On The Run” concerts in Paris when, rather than saying “N***** asking if the oven’s on” he said “N***** asking, cause she pregnant with another one”.

Yeah, more hype, more press because, even though the tour is over, there’s still that HBO show coming up and they want butts in seats so they’ll do and say anything to do it.

Do I think Beyoncé is “pregnant” again? Nope. This is just more publicity and more sleight of hand and more of The Carters playing the press to make some coins.

Luckily they’ll never get any from me.
Robin Thicke is a douche; a cheater; a mildly talented hack who had a hit song not because it was a good song but because he showed nekkid women in the video. Sheesh, maybe he took that class on self-promotion form the Bey-Jay College?

Anyway, after 2013 being a big year, with a big hit, and Miley’s ass on his crotch, 2014 isn’t so fun for Robin. His wife, Paula Patton, has grown tired of his cheating ass and kicked him to the curb; he wrote an entire album of Forgive me! Take me Back! I love you! songs for an album called “Paula” that flopped worse than, well, his marriage; he made in his film debut in Making the Rules and the movie went straight to VOD.

Yeah, it’s not his year, so what should he do? Well, maybe try to play off’a 2012 and 2013 to keep his floundering career afloat?

When his nekkid women song, “Blurred Lines’ was released, Robin Thicke and Pharrell and T.I. instantly filed a pre-law lawsuit to protect themselves after people noticed that the song was a rip-off of Marvin Gaye’s “Got to Give It Up.” And Marvin’s family countersued and when they filed for summary motion last week, Robin gave a crazy-assed deposition that has been made public.

Thicke initially said that he co-wrote the song with Pharrell — he even said he wrote it for Paula because “She’s my good girl” — and said he and Pharrell purposely fashioned the song after Gaye’s classic.

Now, though, he changing his story. Now he says he had nothing to do with writing the song, and says that he only ever said he wrote it, and wrote it for his wife, and stole it from Marvin, because he was high on Vicodin. Uh huh.

Here are deposition highlights:
Q: Were you present during the creation of ‘Blurred Lines’?
Thicke: I was present. Obviously, I sang it. I had to be there.
Q: When the rhythm track was being created, were you there with Pharrell?
Thicke: To be honest, that’s the only part where — I was high on Vicodin and alcohol when I showed up at the studio. So my recollection is when we made the song, I thought I wanted — I — I wanted to be more involved than I actually was by the time, nine months later, it became a huge hit and I wanted credit. So I started kind of convincing myself that I was a little more part of it than I was and I — because I didn’t want him — I wanted some credit for this big hit. But the reality is, is that Pharrell had the beat and he wrote almost every single part of the song.”
I guess to Robin Thicke being “in the room” means you co-wrote the song … when you’re high.

Still, for whatever reason, Pharrell gave Thicke a co-writer credit — meaning he got about 25% of the royalties — and he happily took the cash for Vicodin and booze and hookers and upcoming alimony payments.

But the best part of his “testimony” was when he said his wife left him because he lied about helping to write the song not because he’s an adulterer.

Perhaps his next song should be Still Douche-y After All These Years.