At a recent concert in Sydney, Kanye Kardastrophe, nee West, called out a pair of fans for not standing up while he was pontificating. Trouble was, one fan had a prosthetic limb, and the other was in a wheelchair.
Uh huh. Kanye — who once sang, er, spoke, “They tryna put me on the schoolbus with the space for the wheelchair” — stopped his show cold after discovering that some audience members weren’t standing up to honor him for all that he is, or at least all that his Krazy Brain thinks he is.
Stopping the show, he ALLEGEDLY said, “I can’t do this song. I can’t do this show until everybody stand up… Unless you got a handicap pass and you get special parking and shit. Imma see you if you ain’t standing up, believe me, I’m very good at that.”
And from there it got worse; most of his fans got up — because they’re sheep — but Kanye soon noticed two fans who stayed seated and he refused to continue the show until they stood up and danced like everyone else.
One of the fans took off her prosthetic leg — shades of RHoNY for all you RHoNY-ites — and proved she did have a “handicap pass” and Kanye said, oh so gallantly, “Okay, you fine.”
English is not his official language. But then KrayKrayKanye stared at the other fan, still seated … oh the nerve … and said, “This is the longest I’ve had to wait to do a song, it’s unbelievable.”
People in the audience tried to tell the megalomaniac that he was talking to a fan in a wheelchair — even miming wheelchair signs with their arms — but Kanye wasn’t to be placated. He actually sent a bodyguard into the crowd to confirm that the seated fan was, in fact, in a wheelchair.
Then he said, “He is in a wheelchair? It’s fine!”
Bless you, Motherf%er.
And, of course, after the story went viral, he sent his Flying Monkey, AKA Missus Kanye Kardastrophe, out to do damage control. She chimed in like this on WheelChairGate:
“What an amazing Australian tour! Its [sic] frustrating that something so awesome could be clouded by lies in the media. Kanye never asked anyone in a wheel chair to stand up & the audience videos show that. He asked for everyone to stand up & dance UNLESS they were in a wheel chair. #JustWantedEveryoneToHaveAFunNight #TheMediaTwistsThings”
Funny, though, that’s not what the audience says, Kimmy.
Still, she is kinda right, he never asked “
Kim and Kanye are both so ridiculously self-involved, and self-important that they would never consider the idea that perhaps he shouldn’t have stopped the entire show because of a couple people didn’t stand for him.
Maybe they, like most rational folks didn’t stand for him because they actually can’t stand him.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is a big star, with the big arms and the big legs and the big chests and the big head to go with it.
For years he has wanted to play a villain in a James Bond film because his grandfather, Peter Maivia, did it in 1967’s You Only Live Twice, but it never happened for The Rock. Until now … and then it was gone. I mean, he had the job; he’d be in a Bond film; he’d be the bad guy. So what happened? The Rock’s big headed demand for a big payday.
An industry insider — insider, so you know it isn’t Lohan — says, “Dwayne asked for more money than Daniel Craig gets to play Bond!”
Yup, the guy who wanted to play a secondary character in a Bond film wanted more money than the guy that plays Bond. It just proves that even though The Rock has a big head, and bigger ego, he has a very tiny brain.
Okay, so a few years back Hugh got a ladyfriend pregnant. The lady was Tinglan Hong, and the couple had some sort of friends-with-benefits-casual-dating thing going on until the knock-up happened. Grant bought the Baby Mama a nice mansion in which to live and raise his mistake, er, child, a daughter named Tabitha Grant. And then, seven months later Grant apparently accidentally knocked up his “friend” again! And she subsequently gave birth to a son, Felix Chang Hong Grant.
Now, in the midst of knocking up his casual date twice Grant impregnated a Swedish woman named Anna Eberstei, who gave birth to a boy whose name we do not know — perhaps she wasn’t as close a friend as Tinglan?
But Hugh once again a home for Anna, another mansion apartment close to his mansion, but not too close to his other Baby Mama’s manse, if you get my meaning.
Yup, casual dating lead to Hugh Grant becoming a father at the age of 54 three times in just fifteen months!
Straight people. But, think of it this way, go on a date with Hugh Grant, get knocked up, and you get a mansion.
And you get a mansion! And you get a mansion!
God, I love, and fear, Martha Stewart. She is not playing with anyone. You hear that Goop?
Apparently, Martha Stewart sat down for with Net-a-Porter’s Porter Magazine and some of her more delicious, home-cooked quotes have leaked online, the best ones about a certain sex-crazed, recently uncoupled “star” who wants to dethrone Queen Martha.
Yup, here’s what Martha Stewart said about Gwyneth Paltrow:
“She just needs to be quiet. She’s a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn’t be trying to be Martha Stewart.”
Oh for the love of the Baby Jeebus, where to begin? With Gwynnie being told to zip it? Yeah, that’s good. But the snark about ‘if’ she were confident in her acting. Suh-nap!
Lindsay Lohan is at it again, y’all.
No, not getting arrested. No, not back in rehab. No, not drunk in a nightclub … okay, maybe that last one is true, but what Lindsay is really up to again is telling more of her cracked out lies and this one’s a doozy.
Remember when Lohan violated her probation in 2011 by driving drunk again, and she was sentenced to four months of community service at the L.A. County Morgue? Well, she was sent to work in the morgue, because the judge wanted her to see the place she’d send people if she kept drunk driving. Sounds like a good idea, and would probably work for most people, but since the corpses didn’t speak, or talk back, Lindsay felt like she was the queen bee on a film set somewhere.
Now, though, while talking to The Telegraph about that play in London she’s going to ruin next month, there was some mention of her morgue duties and Lohan let it slip that she had personally rolled Whitney Houston’s body bag through the building.
I bet she was the one that snapped that picture the family sued about, eh?
Lohan; dropping dead people’s name just for the attention except … It was a lie, like most words that fall out of the Lohan Cake-Hole.
See, there are pictures of Lindsay in New York — three thousand miles away — on Saturday, February 11, 2012, the day that Whitney Houston in LA, and now an official from the Coroner’s Office says that Houston’s body was never in a bag and that no one in the probation program — even seven time loser Lindsay Lohan — came in contact with Whitney’s body.
God, is there anything this woman won’t do or say to keep her name in the press? Lying about a woman’s dead body in an article to publicize the next job from which she’ll be fired?
Speaking of doing or saying anything to keep your name in the press: Beyoncé.
We all heard the rumors of the Bey-Jay-Sol Elevator-palooza and then the rumors of the Bey-Jay divorce. Well, now it appears that Beyoncé’s father is saying that both events were calculated and planned to sell more tickets to their combined “On The Run” tour because, you know, being talented isn’t enough to put butts in seats.
And they may be at it again since all these new pictures of Beyoncé are coming out implying that she may be pregnant again. She's been seen getting off planes and boarding yachts doing the Hold-Your-Stomach-Because-You're-Pregnant walk. Uh huh.
And, naturally, even Jay Z got into the act of self-involved-promotion by changing the rap during one of their final “On The Run” concerts in Paris when, rather than saying “N***** asking if the oven’s on” he said “N***** asking, cause she pregnant with another one”.
Yeah, more hype, more press because, even though the tour is over, there’s still that HBO show coming up and they want butts in seats so they’ll do and say anything to do it.
Do I think Beyoncé is “pregnant” again? Nope. This is just more publicity and more sleight of hand and more of The Carters playing the press to make some coins.
Luckily they’ll never get any from me.
Robin Thicke is a douche; a cheater; a mildly talented hack who had a hit song not because it was a good song but because he showed nekkid women in the video. Sheesh, maybe he took that class on self-promotion form the Bey-Jay College?
Anyway, after 2013 being a big year, with a big hit, and Miley’s ass on his crotch, 2014 isn’t so fun for Robin. His wife, Paula Patton, has grown tired of his cheating ass and kicked him to the curb; he wrote an entire album of Forgive me! Take me Back! I love you! songs for an album called “Paula” that flopped worse than, well, his marriage; he made in his film debut in
When his nekkid women song, “Blurred Lines’ was released, Robin Thicke and Pharrell and T.I. instantly filed a pre-law lawsuit to protect themselves after people noticed that the song was a rip-off of Marvin Gaye’s “Got to Give It Up.” And filed for summary motion last week, Robin gave a crazy-assed deposition that has been made public.
Thicke initially said that he co-wrote the song with Pharrell — he even said he wrote it for Paula because “” — and said he and Pharrell purposely fashioned the song after Gaye’s classic.
Now, though, he changing his story. Now he says he had nothing to do with writing the song, and says that he only ever said he wrote it, and wrote it for his wife, and stole it from Marvin, because he was high on Vicodin. Uh huh.
Here are deposition highlights:
Q: Were you present during the creation of ‘Blurred Lines’?
Thicke: I was present. Obviously, I sang it. I had to be there.
Q: When the rhythm track was being created, were you there with Pharrell?
Thicke: To be honest, that’s the only part where — I was high on Vicodin and alcohol when I showed up at the studio. So my recollection is when we made the song, I thought I wanted — I — I wanted to be more involved than I actually was by the time, nine months later, it became a huge hit and I wanted credit. So I started kind of convincing myself that I was a little more part of it than I was and I — because I didn’t want him — I wanted some credit for this big hit. But the reality is, is that Pharrell had the beat and he wrote almost every single part of the song.”
I guess to Robin Thicke being “in the room” means you co-wrote the song … when you’re high.
Still, for whatever reason, Pharrell gave Thicke a co-writer credit — meaning he got about 25% of the royalties — and he happily took the cash for Vicodin and booze and hookers and upcoming alimony payments.
But the best part of his “testimony” was when he said his wife left him because he lied about helping to write the song not because he’s an adulterer.
Perhaps his next song should be Still Douche-y After All These Years.
Lots of Beyoncé today so let’s rip … most folks believe thrives on hatin' the Kardastrophes, though I personally thinks the amount of time that she spends thinking about them is equal to the amount of time she spends thinking about me … okay, maybe she thinks about me more.
But then this happened and, well, I guess if Beyoncé didn’t hate Kim Kardastrophe-West before, she might now. See, KashKowKardastrophe-West took time out from taking photos of her ass and her baby and her ass of a husband to appear on Jimmy Kimmel and throw some butt-sized shade at Beyoncé for not coming to her pre-divorce ceremony:
“The worst was someone canceling last minute.”
And folks are saying the dig was planned, not accidental, like everything in KKK-W’s life. From the stores to the ass to the family to the marriages to the divorces to the babies. Planned. But don’t plan on Beyoncé ever being nice to you; just keep stroking your hair and saying ‘Oh my god’ while your face doesn’t move.
We don’t get a lot of gossip from the news world, unless it’s Shepard Smith acting like an entitled gay douche in a bar; or NBC trying to lay the blame of their crumbling ratings at the size ten heels of Ann Curry. But now we have some newsroom gossip, and once again it’s about NBC and how they handle change, er, firing people.
We’ve been hearing rumblings for a while now that David Gregory was being pushed out of after six years due to, of course, sagging ratings and, well, he’s no Tim Russert — for whom Gregory took over when Russert passed away in 2008.
The new host will be… Chuck Todd … another old white guy in a news chair, AKA the status quo. But the surprising details about Gregory’s ouster is that he was paid $4 million to leave — as opposed to, say, me, who usually gets a restraining order when being asked to leave a job — and he was forced to sign a contract not to speak out against the network.
Wow. What might Gregory have said about NBC that caused them to pay off his salary plus a great bit extra and demand that he never ever say a bad word about the network?
Perhaps, like Curry, he might have complained that he was one of the last to know that he was leaving for good. See, NBC leaked the story about Todd coming aboard MTP before even talking with Gregory; like they did Ann Curry.
In fact, NBC is having Andrea Mitchell host this week’s show — which would have been Gregory’s last — denying him a chance to even talk about leaving, bid a fond farewell, pass the baton to Todd or, do what I might do, throw a can of gasoline on the set and burn the mother**ker down.
Let’s dish Lohan … Lindsay is back in London after partying on yachts during her European vacation from not having a job and is set to start rehearsals for Speed-the-Plow next week. So, in advance of what’s sure to be the hottest ticket in the West End for the hottest mess in the West End, Lohan gave one of her cracked-out interviews…
On why she moved to London: “I wasn’t used to for a long time hearing my name every second, whenever I turned on the TV it was promoting the OWN show and it was just a lot and it was kind of overwhelming and everyone knew where I lived. I moved to New York to find peace and I wanted to do something very real and show people who I am and because it’s a reality show it had to be done a certain way, and things had to look a certain way for ratings. That wasn’t my intention of moving to New York. I again got overwhelmed with that and wanted to get away for a minute and I came to London.”
Funny, it wasn’t her intention of moving to New York to do a reality show but it was the exact reason she moved there. And that “to find peace” bit; on a reality show, filmed in New York, where everyone knows where you live? Still cray cray Lohan.
On taking responsibility: “I think a lot of people have a misconception of me due to situations I put myself in, things that have been made up about me or manifested and I got into this to be an actress and you know I like to create, to write, I eventually want to direct. I lost a lot of that credibility and I take responsibility for some of it but it’s also an industry where it’s celebrity based and I have been made out to be something like that and I don’t want to be known for that, that’s not why I did this.”
Um, I’m’a need my Google ‘Looney-Toons to English’ translator for this one. I mean, that wasn’t Lindsay at all the clubs? Lindsay at all the jails? Lindsay in all those courtrooms? Mugshots? That’s all Hollywood’s fault because, you know, they made her a drug addict and a thief and an alcoholic.
It’s the same old Lindsay; she’s an actress, y’all, and that’s all she ever wanted to be until the media got hold of her and turned her into a drug-taking-booze-slurping-car-crashing-bar-fighting-man-whoring moron.
So, last week we learned that Gwyneth Paltrow was boning one of the creators of Glee before she actually consciously uncoupled from baby daddy Chris Martin. And now I realize why that story got out … to take some shine away from the news that Mr. Gwyneth Paltrow is now dating Jennifer Lawrence.
Yup, he went from shagging a woman who “won” an Oscar because Harvey Weinstein bought it for her, to a woman who’s been nominated more times than Paltrow has children — and is a decade-and-a-half younger — and actually won an Oscar as Best Actress not Best supporting Actress.
Plus, can you picture Gwyneth’s face when she finds out Chris and JLaw took Peaches and Herb, er, Moses and Apple, to Chuck E. Cheese?
I wanna be there when that explosion happens.
Meanwhile … back at Beyoncé: Remember that video of Beyoncé’s incredibly folding stomach when she was pregnant? And remember how, way before that, one week she was on-stage singing in a taut glitter swimsuit and the next week she was wearing a caftan to the VMA’s and holding her stomach to announce she was pregnant? And remember how people said she was never really pregnant?
Well, a woman named Tina Seals has filed a maternity suit against the Carters claiming that she is the real mother of Blue Ivy.
Here goes … and take this with a grain of crazy … but Tina Seals is seeking “to verify whether she is the biological mother” of Blue Ivy by saying she was “previously associated” in some way with “Beyoncé Knowles and Jay Z Carter.”
It’s pretty rare for a woman to file a maternity lawsuit, but it may just prove that Bey-Jay are just giant liars. But there is another theory: perhaps Seals and Jay Z had an affair, she got pregnant, and then gave the baby up for adoption to the Carters, only now she wants the baby, or a bigger piece of the pie.
Still, while this could be just a hot mess of a lie and some poor crazy woman lost in her delusions, coming amidst all the talk of the JayBey split, this is interesting at least.
And speaking of the JayBey split … Us Weekly has now jumped on that bandwagon because, A] the story is true, or 2] the story sells a butt-load of magazines.
See, Us is saying Beyoncé is already making moves toward a split, and a source, perhaps a pissed off Kardastrophe, says “she is done” after their remaining On The Run shows in Paris.
And while Beyoncé still posts Happy Family Time photos to Instagram the rumors aren’t dying and maybe she’s beginning to believe the rumors about Jay Z’s cheating that came to a head during The Elevator Smackdown.
Beyoncé is reportedly “insecure” about Jay’s “wandering eye” and has taken to removing from his sight, and hers, anyone who might be his “type”: you know, a woman.
On a side note, one of the side pieces often mentioned in the Jay Z Cheating Scandal is none other than Rihanna and, while watching the Fashion Police last week, during a segment they call “Bitch Stole My look” the competitors were none other than Beyoncé and Rihanna … in the same look.
The only difference was, Rihanna wore the look last year and Beyoncé, who has a team of spacklers and painters and cinchers on speed dial wore the look this year, and styled it exactly like Rihanna, down to using the exact same jewelry, wore it last month.
And back to Paltrow … Jerry Seinfeld made a mint off his TV show; so much so that he buys cars and Hampton’s manses like their PayLess shoes during a BoGo sale. But, maybe Seinfeld is running low on funds because his wife, Jessica, seems to have taken a job as Gwyneth Paltrow’s ass-kissing, promotional director.
I mean, how else can we explain why Jessica Seinfeld would post a picture of her BFF Gwyneth Paltrow to Instagram with the following caption?
“I have never met anyone with more true and loyal best friends than this baby girl. She is deeply and intensely loved by her friends. I hope each of you has someone in your life that is a wise and steady North Star like this one is to so many…Why not tag those people in your life who kill it in the friendship department? It’s Show Appreciation Sunday. (I made that up).”
Wow. Jerry and Jessica must really need the money if they’ve taken to being placed on Paltrow’s every-day-millionaire-mom payroll just to Instagram ass-kissing tributes.
Everyone knows Britney Spears doesn’t sing live; hell, she can’t sing, live or otherwise. But this story is especially high-larious because during a recent performance at her Vegas show, BritBrit was caught on camera lip-syncing to a song she recorded with Sia … only she was “singing” Sia’s parts … with Sia’s voice coming out over the sound system.
Um, Brit, if you’re gonna lip-sync, try doing it during the part of the song where you're ALLEGEDLY singing and not during someone else’s part.
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have been married for six years. We know that because every year they marry one another all over again in some splashy way to remind us all that their marriage is perfect and …
Over? They didn’t marry each other again this year. In fact, they haven’t been seen in public together since February and now comes word that they have been “living separately” after she hired to keep him away from other women when he was out doing his little comedy act.
Mimi, always posing on social media with her family has been unusually quiet of late; in fact she hasn’t featured Nick on any of her sites since June, when Nick moved in with his grandparents and they put their $13 million California home on the market.
Community property say what?
UPDATE: Yesterday Nick confirmed that he and Mimi are no-no together.
Mischa Barton is desperate for a job, but apparently the only job she’s qualified for is to be Lindsay Lohan.
Last March, Mischa was supposed to start production on a movie called Promoted, and well before the start date, the producers tried to contact her to let her know that shooting was going to begin and to set up a round of costume fittings.
Mischa never called back, and the day before shooting was supposed to start, Mischa's momage emailed the producers to tell them that Mischa was ill in Europe and wouldn’t be able to start working on the movie until the end of the month except …
Mischa began posting pictures to Twitter and Instagram of her partying in Europe and not being ill in Europe and now, because the producers unbelievably gave Barton a $20,000 advance and she faked being sick, they’re suing her for the money back along with $200,000 in marketing expenses and another $100,000 they lost when she dropped out.
Wow. She’s trying to Out-Lohan Lohan.
So, Charlie Sheen’s drug-addict ex-wife, the twenty-seven-time rehabber, Brooke Mueller is being sued by her former assistant Lior Masaphor, who worked for her from December 2012 until March, 2013. He claims was paid $2,400 per month, but that he worked over 130 hours a week — which works out to about $4 an hour — and was never given a break — even while she was in rehab, I presume — and is owed a bunch of cash money.
That isn’t the story; the story is the “” he claims to have performed for Brooke, such as Brooke forcing Lior to act as a drug mule, forcing him to transport illegal for her, forcing him her children so Brooke could get high, and forcing him to watch her have sex with just about anybody and everybody.
This has been another edition of Gay Folks Can’t Have Kids, But Drug Addicts and Whores Can Have All The Children They Want.
Meanwhile … back at Lohan.
On the eve of her first real job in years — whatever happened to that movie she was hired to make at the end of her reality show … poof — Lindsay decided to go out and party … quelle surprise … at 1Oak in Southampton.
The big surprise came when Lindsay tried to pay the $2500 tab and her credit cards were declined.
What? No job? No credit? No problem?
No problem because Lindsay had to beg her fiends to help with the bill, had to lift up cushions in the booths for change, and may have turned a trick or two in the loo to leave a tip.