The Funny Papers

Mike Luckovich, Joe Heller, Mike Thompson, Gary Huck, Lalo Alcaraz, Bill Bramhall, Steve Breen, Nick Anderson, Ed Wexler, Matt Wuerker, Dennis Goris, Clay Bennett, Pat Bagley, Bill Day

Why Is It ...

… that it’s been a wild year this week?

… that as I get older and remember all the people I’ve lost along the way I think to myself … maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.

… that when I die I don’t want y’all looking for me in sunsets or butterflies or wildflowers. Look behind you, that’s me chasing you up the stairs.

… that I stress about stress before there’s even stress to stress about, then I stress about stressing over stress that doesn’t need to stressed about? It’s stressful.

… that I want all of you who signed my 8th grade yearbook and told me to ‘Stay cool’ to know that I did.

… that I count my work days like I’m in jail. Three more wake ups and I’m free!  

… that things you find offensive I often find hilarious? And why does it make me happier than you?

… that when I was just 5-years-old a bear told me only I could prevent forest fires; why I was chosen I will never know.

I Didn't Say It ...

Taraji P. Henson, urging guests at the 2024 BET Awards to look up Project 2025, educate themselves on it and vote:

"I'm telling y'all, you better show up and show out. I'm being serious now. It's not just about the presidential election, you guys. It's time for us to play chess, not checkers. It’s about making decisions that will affect us as human beings. Our careers, our next generations to come. Did you know that it is now a crime to be homeless? Pay attention. It’s not a secret. Look it up. They are attacking our most vulnerable citizens. The Project 2025 plan is not a game. Look it up. I'm not trying to scare us, I'm trying to inform us. I’m talking to the mad people who don't want to vote. You're gonna be mad about a lot of things if you don't vote."

So … Project 2025, known as the Presidential Transition Project, is a conglomerate of conservative policy proposals, potential picks to fill positions for the next administration, and more in the event that The Felon is elected president.

Henson also criticized the recent set of U.S. House bills, including the defense bill to automatically register men between a certain age for the draft and the suggested update that would include women.

It’s real, and a Blue vote could stop it.

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Lara T, goose-stepping daughter-in-law of The Felon, suddenly concerned about democratic norms.

“Joe Biden has said he’s not going anywhere. His campaign came out right after that debate and said not only is he not quitting. They have committed to do the debate in September as well, which is shocking to hear. But Kamala Harris polls just about as bad, if not worse in a lot of cases, than Joe Biden. And so, they have a huge problem on their hands. If they remove Joe Biden from the ticket somehow and they do not have Kamala Harris as their nominee, and they try to plug someone else in, Maria, it is literally going against our democratic process here in this country.”

If, as this loon bleats, Kamala polls worse than Biden then why isn’t she all for Biden dropping out? Is it because she’s afraid Kamala would wipe the floor with her racist, rapist, traitorous con artist father-in-law?

PS I was hard-pressed to find a single picture of Lara T. where she doesn’t look like she’s on the verge of giving an oral argument.

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Hakeem Jeffries, Minority Leader of the House, on this week’s SCOTUS ruling to protect The Felon:

“House Democrats will engage in aggressive oversight and legislative activity with respect to the Supreme Court to ensure that the extreme, far-right justices in the majority are brought into compliance with the Constitution.”

Just one more in a long line of reasons to Vote Blue; make Jeffries Speaker of the House and give Blue a majority and they will school the court.

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Nancy Pelosi, on The Felon’s own issues with mental acuity:

“I want you to know I came home to California, south and north, and the people are for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. They have some judgment about a person who stood on that stage and lied, lied, lied, if you’re just talking about the debate. I am respectful of some of the opinions that people have, but it is also respectful of the grassroots. My people are very much for Biden and Kamala Harris and this is an opportunity for Joe Biden to go out there and show he has the stamina. By the way, there are health care professionals who think that [The Felon] has dementia. That his connection of his thoughts do not go together. It’s not only that he just lies. He doesn’t even know the truth. So if we’re talking about mental acuity, let’s be fair about it, I don’t think … that [The Felon] should be president of the United States.”

Case in point? Read on …

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The Felon, talking utter nonsense at another rally of his;

“All they know is electric, they want electric army tanks, they want electric planes. What happens if the sun isn’t shining while you’re up in the air? Well, sir, those, you know that I told you there’d be problems, sir. No, they want electric everything every day. They want electric boats. The problem, the boats, they, they don’t float because the battery is so heavy. It sinks the boat. They say we don’t care. We want 'em anyway.”

Yes, if the sun isn’t out the planes can’t fly.

That’s the kind of leadership the GOP is trying to foist on America.

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John Fetterman, on the talk of Biden stepping aside:

“That whole abandoned Biden thing—that’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. I mean, if you are more inclined to vote for a Democrat or be a Democrat, if you’re willing to walk away from Joe Biden—you’re, by defecting, helping [The felon]. I had a difficult debate, and yet we still managed to go on to win [the election]. Now, everybody was calling that—that was the end of my career, that was the end of this race and everyone was predicting that I was going to lose actually by 2 points or more. And I smoked Oz by 5 points and that’s what I’m saying. It—it’s like one debate is not a career.”

Truth.

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Happy 4th of July?

Sort of a repost from last year with a bit of new stuff tossed in …

Not a lot to celebrate this year, what with the Supreme deciding last year that women have no rights to their own bodies, and then deciding this year that racism in America is over so there is no need for Affirmative Action, or that The Gays can be discriminated against because of someone’s Faux Faith; deciding that bribery, er, gratuities, to government officials, is okay, but homelessness is a crime; deciding bump stocks, an  aftermarket product designed to make a semi-automatic rifle fire faster so you can kill faster, are okay.

But think of what could happen if all the people of color, who are once again being told they are less than, voted this year and next year and the year after? How would America look then?

And think of what could happen if all the women who are once again being told that they cannot make their own healthcare choices, even on birth control, voted this year and next year and the year after? Think of what life would be like then.

Then think of what could happen if all the LGBTQ+ people who are once again being told they are less than voted this year and next year and the year after? How would it feel to be equal in the eyes of your own country?

Think of what could happen if all the people who are allies of people of color and of women and of the LGBTQ+ community voted this year and next year and the year after?

Think on that and maybe next year, and the year after and the year after, the Fourth of July would be worth celebrating for ALL Americans.

Think of this  … Joe Biden will be fine if he doesn’t win the presidency but …

It’s women who won’t be,

It’s visible minorities who won’t be.

It’s LGBTQ+ Americans who won’t be.

It’s non-Christian religions that won’t be.

It’s th4e disable community that won’t be.

It’s the Middle Class who won’t be.

It’s the working poor who won’t be.

It’s the health of the planet that won’t be.

So …

Architecture Wednesday: Patrick Swayze’s Rancho Bizarro

This is Rancho Bizarro, the former estate of Patrick Swayze and it’s up for sale; the 3,516 square foot, 3 bedroom, four-and-one-a-half bath house sits on over four acres, with a barn and stables and a horse arena, and can be yours for $4.5 million.

Automatic gates tucked away at the end of a cul-de-sac reveal a unique and private retreat with expansive space to live, ride, work, and create amongst multiple structures. The primary residence is a charming 1940s California ranch-style house featuring three bedrooms, hardwood floors, and rustic exposed beams.  There is a large flex space that could easily house an extensive home gym, a fully furnished rehearsal space for dance or theater performance, or a light-filled art studio.

Across the lawn is a guest cottage with a bath, as well as an oversized detached garage and storage space. The grounds also include two round pens, a goat pen with resident goats Cocoa and Caramel, and two friendly ducks named Baby and Johnny who enjoy lounging under the lush trees on the property.

The ideal spot for a little Dirty Dancing.

 Dwell