Thursday, May 31, 2012

Random Musings

We’ve had an interesting Spring.
Back in March, Carlos lost his job because, well, let me put it in my own words, the health care company for whom he was working, couldn’t manage a gumball machine much less a business and they went under.
Bad news, eh?
Good news? The company that was taking over for the old group was hiring people from the old company.
Bad news? The position Carlos held was paid for out of a Ryan White Grant and the new company had yet to receive that grant so Carlos would not be hired at that time.
Good news? A woman who runs a dental clinic for homeless, low-income and HIV patients needed an office manager and offered the job to Carlos. She told him that she new this wasn’t the job he wanted but that he could have it until something better came along.
Bad news? The pay was really low, and the hours, well, low, too.
Good news? Carlos met a woman here in Smallville, AKA Camden, who runs a counseling group. She wants someone to work with the Hispanic population in our county and thought Carlos would be perfect.
Bad news? There is none. The money is comparable to the job he had for the health care company and the hours are good. There is the opportunity for this new job to pay for education and training as a counselor, and, in my mind, best of all, the new job is right here in Camden, which means Carlo’s commute goes from 80 miles a day to about twenty.
Good news? When Carlos gave notice at the dental clinic his boss was like, Go! Good for you! Go! Talk about a fabulous boss, woman, human being!
Congratulations baby.

Out there in Washington, home of The Dog’s Mother AKA Froggy, a new, independent, statewide poll finds that an overwhelming majority of voters approve of the Washington’s law extending civil marriage to same-sex couples.
Oh, but they do.
Washington voters approve of the law by a 54-33% margin.
In addition to extraordinary support by 87% of Democrats, the poll also found significant support among Independents, nearly mirroring the full poll, at 52-36%.
Still, next week equality opponents are expected to submit more than enough signatures to put the existing law allowing same-sex marriage up for a vote come November.
Still, with support on the rise, I am confident that Washingtonians will approve equality.
I mean, it’s equality, right?

Happy news? Again?
Three years after getting engaged at a rally to support marriage equality in New York state, Cynthia Nixon and Christine Marinoni were married this past Sunday. 
The Sex and the City actress, and Tony nominee, and the education activist, have been together since 2004, and Marinoni gave birth to their son, Max Ellington Nixon-Marinoni, in February 2011. 
Nixon has two children from her previous relationship with photographer Danny Mozes. 
Congratulations and best wishes to the newlyweds.

I like snark. 
I mean, what’s not to like, eh?
And when I give my review of things, I tend to get kinda snarky. And, every so often, I get some of those folks about whom I right, in perhaps a snarly way, to write me and tell me how they feel.
I used to get Tweets from Mondo of Project Runway after I’d Tweet my recap of the show, and now, some of the folks from Design Star are responding to my first recap of this season:

 Thank you for the hilarious review of the show. Hopefully I can give you a more fabulous gay next week!

And then I got this comment, which may, or may not, be the real Bex—though I’m thinking it might be:
Bex Hale said...
This is hilarious! I think I'd rather read your blog than watch the show. - Nerdy Bex

So, I’m sure most of you have heard the story, and seen the awful video, of that four-year-old boy singing "Ain't No Homos Getting Into Heaven" in his Indiana ‘church’.
Well, after allowing the parents of that child to use him to spread hate, the ‘church’ has posted a message to their website:
The Pastor and members of Apostolic Truth Tabernacle do not condone, teach, or practice hate of any person for any reason. We believe and hope that every person can find true Bible salvation and the mercy and grace of God in their lives. We are a strong advocate of the family unit according to the teachings and precepts found in the Holy Bible. We believe the Holy Bible is the Divinely-inspired Word of God and we will continue to uphold and preach that which is found in scripture.
Um, okay, you may not condone hate, but you most certainly teach it when the parents of a four-year-old taught their son that song and the pastor of that ‘church’ allowed him to sing it.
That’s teaching. And, yeah, it’s practicing hate, too.

The Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund has congratulated Latina and out Lesbian, Mary Gonzalez, on her win  in a decisive Democratic primary to represent District 75 in the Texas House of Representatives. 
Yes. ♫♪Texas has a Lesbian In It♪♫.
Gonzalez faces no Republican opponent in November, meaning she will win the El Paso seat and become the state’s only openly LGBT lawmaker.
Congrats Ms. Gonzalez. 
And congrats to Texas, too.

And let's end with the current Song In My Head, from the Broadway Musical, The Book of Mormon. I wake up singing it, and have been known to start off with the line, ♫♪Turn it off♪♫ at the most inappropriate when someone else is talking:

Where's Mittsy's REAL Birth Certificate?

Another reason I don't like Mittsy? And I believe we're up to Reason #1874.

That whole Donald Trump business. I mean, Trump, henceforth known as The Rump,  endorses Mittsy, and Mittsy asks The Rump to campaign for him, and The Rump goes all Birther Batshit Crazy again and Mittsy gets to stand there like he doesn't condone that line of questioning when you know darn well he asked The Rump to campaign for him for that very reason. Let The Rump rile up the Tea Baggers while Mittsy gets to play all serious candidate and shiz.

But then there's this: the other day Mittsy released his birth certificate. Now, no one was asking, but it's a subtle nod to the wingnuts, asshats, goosesteppers, Republican'ts who keep demanding to see Obama's birth certificate. And, let's not forget, we are in Year Four of 'Where's The Birth Certificate" craziness.

So, Mittsy releases his birth certificate on the same day he was set to appear at a Las Vegas fundraiser hosted by The Rump, who has spent countless hours, and probably tens of dollars promoting his own conspiracy theory as to where Obama was born.

News flash Rump: it was Hawaii.

But here's the funny part of this ridiculousness.

The document released by Mittsy's campaign is a "Certificate of Live Birth." Now, this is the same thing as a "Birth Certificate" but, according to FauxNews and all their moronic pundits, like you MGB®, it's not the same thing.

At least not when Obama released his, time and again, and again.

"There's a difference between a birth certificate, apparently, and a certificate of live birth," said FauxNews moron, er, host Jeanine Pirro last April, when, once again, discussing Obama's supposedly missing paper trail. 

The President's "Certificate of Live Birth", reported Fox and Friends moron, er, host Steve Doocy, "is not the exact birth certificate." 

And, not to be outdone in the Wackadoodle Sweepstakes, MGB® suggested Obama's "Certificate of Live Birth" was insufficient proof of citizenship.

And The Rump said, and please, remember this, "A 'birth certificate' and a 'certificate of live birth' are in no way the same thing, even though in some cases they use some of the same words."

So, why is this funny, or not, as the case may be?

Well, not one of those FauxNews morons, er, hosts, or the Mama Grizzly Bore®, and even The Rump, are questioning the validity of Mittsy's "Certificate of Live Birth."

And why is that? The reason that seems most plausible is that The Rump and FoxNews and MGB® aren't worried about Mittsy being American because he's a white guy.

It's just GOP race-baiting. 

And if you think it's anything else, ask yourselves why no one questions the Mittsy's Certificate of Live Birth.

I Don't Just ♥ It, I Demand It!

Funny Link

Mittsy's Home State Says 'No Thanks, We're Voting Obama'

I understand that polls can be manipulated, depending on where and when they are taken, and the numbers of people who take part, but, still, every so often a poll comes along that I like, I trust, and I find absolutely high-larious.
Case in point: a new poll outta Massachusetts has confirmed what everyone knows: the people of his home state do not want Mittsy Romney to be president.
In fact, they sooo don't want him in the White House that, according to that Suffolk University/7 News poll, President Obama leads Mittsy by some 25 percentage points among likely voters, with Mittsy winning just 34% of support in the state where he was once governor.
And, to be fair, as i said, polls vary, and numbers can be manipulated, but just how does this scenario--a presidential candidate who fails to win his home state--fit into the game?
Well, it turns out to be rare for a candidate who loses his home state to go on and win the presidency. 
And there are some exceptions. In 1844, James Polk, then-governor of Tennessee, managed to win the presidency even though Tennessee said 'No thanks.' And New Jersey governor, Woodrow Wilson won the White House while losing his home state in 1916. And even Tricky Dick Nixon, who lived in New York, lost the state but won the White House in 1968.
So, it can happen, just not very often.
As for Mittsy? 
Mr. Romney received a Master's Degree from Harvard, in Massachusetts, has lived there, in Massachusetts, for years, ran unsuccessfully for the Senate, in Massachusetts, and served as governor for four short years. And, his presidential campaign headquarters is there, in Massachusetts.
What isn't there, in Massachusetts, is a victory for Mittsy in November.
And is there a reason for this? Well, James Thurber, a presidential historian at American University, said that presidents who lose their home states become estranged from their base: “It depends whether the individual has moved away from the core voter in their state, and certainly the story there is that Romney has.”
Now, he panders to the conservative wingnuts and Donald Rump.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Architecture Wednesday: Casa Finisterra

Casa Finisterra; literally, the house at the end of the world.
This 9,000 square foot, five bedroom, seven bath--a bathroom for every day of the week--contemporary home sits upon a breathtaking promontory in the exclusive gated resort-community of Pedregal in Cabo San Lucas, at the southern tip of the Baja California peninsula, in the Mexican state of Baja California Sur.
It is an internationally renowned private residence designed by Steven Harris Architects and decorated by Rees Roberts. It's also kind of a fantasy home if we’ve ever seen one. 
Upon entering the site, the central courtyard leads to both public and private enclosed spaces on the main level; the lower levels are tucked in below. The 80-foot long pool sits on an outcrop in the cliff between the house and ocean, collapsing the space between its waters and the Pacific down below. Stone patios, glass walls, and balconies overlook the sea, while gorgeous minimalist furnishings complement the view. It's on the cliff, and it's in the cliffs. Most rooms have fabulous sea views, with floor to ceiling glass, and many rooms have at least one wall that is cliff rock.
Minimalist. Simple. Elegant. Ready for Margaritas. And, as always, click to emBIGGERate,


Just A Thought: Is This Another Of "Pastor" Worley's Minions?

Funny Link

DS7EP1: Extremely Bad Home Makeover

They're calling it Design Star Goes Hollywood, though it's more like Design Star Goes Hollywood Blvd. You know whores and meth dealers. And, as usual, the first episode is the one where the designers work together to makeover their home away from home. Host/Mentor, David Bromstad--and will someone please explain the outfit with the pants tucked into the work boots, because Homo HQ didn't alert me to that Fashion Don't--tells our motley crew of designtestants that the special item they sent from home which tells their POV will be magically, er, randomly, paired together to create six teams of two.
In other words, crazy will be paired with crazy. And I'm talking to you, Kris and Bex.

Danielle and Luca get the Great Room
I'll first start off by saying I was wrong; wow, that was hard for me. But Luca isn't a Friend of Dorothy; he's more of an arrogant straight man, who wears plaid and says "dude". I know! And his Home-Away-From-Home item is a pair of steel, um, jacks.
Danielle is given the "I'm doing this show because my mom just died and she'd want me to win" sympathy edit. But, after that one brief mention, it doesn't come up again. Her POV item is a silver angel wing. Okay.......
The Great room is one of those useless rooms in new homes that are actually taller than they are long and wide. Seriously, thirty foot ceilings are just a waste. But Danielle decides to have molding made for one wall to add more height, because the room demanded it, I guess. And she decides to takes photographs of their two POV items and mount them on the opposite wall. She picks a gray paint color because gray is all warm and cozy and stuff.
Luca buys two big couches and then shows off his big ego--he actually tells us he can do anything--by telling the carpenter how to cut the molding and basically being the Project Manager. Yeah, I didn't see design in there at all; I saw shopping and bossing.
I didn't like the room; it looked like it was set on end because it's so tall and narrow, and the light blue wall just seemed odd. Plus, it was gray, white and blue. There was no Pop Of Color, which is a crime for a designer and just seemed to border on bland.
Still, Vern Yip--modeling Garanimals for Grown-ups--liked that Danielle's paint choices humanized and "inspired" the space. Genevieve The Goiter--dressed like a Naughty Schoolboy, apparently to the delight of a certain HGTV executive--wasn't sure about the moldings but she gestured a lot and said "verticality" so it looked like she knows design. Guest judge, Daisy Fuentes liked the photography.

Bex and Kris get the Master Bedroom
Bex is married to a soldier. I don't know what that has to do with Design Star unless they want to appear patriotic. Kris says his style is "client driven modern eclectic." Um, isn't all design "client driven"? These two, the nerdy gay guy and the nerdy straight gal seem like a match made in TV heaven. Not so much.
The tension begins. Bex talks, Kris cuts her off. He suggests paint, she faints. This won't end well, I imagine.
Kris POV piece is a Lucite table he covered in stripes of painters tape. Kris dubs it "pure brilliance" and, yes, that gets you on Design Star. But, if that doesn't work, send them a wooden hand that artists use as a model, because it worked for Bex.
Seriously, Your POV is a wooden hand? Who are you, Hannibal Lecter? When she asks Kris how she could use her hand in the room, Kris tells he doesn't really care by grabbing the hand and showing his disdain for Bex with one finger.
I’m getting The Bitch Vibe from Kris.
While shopping Bex spots a giant matchstick lamp. No, not a thin lamp, that resembles a matchstick, but an actual lamp that is a matchstick. She must have it, but Kris isn't so sure, though he does end up dragging a piece of tape from his homemade table, across the floor, up the wall, and toward the red light of the matchstick. Pure.Brilliance.Not. But Kris loves his tape, and so he tapes a teensy piece of wood for the mantel so that the tape from his Lucite table has a mate across the room.
For her design element in the room, Bex creates a daybed. Yawn. But then she drills big holes in it and will light it from within, and the holes will be in the shapes of constellations because they're stars and this is Design Star and.....Christina!! Bring me my nailgun! Then she takes her Wooden Hand and mounts it to the all alongside some neon-painted saw blades so it looks like the hand is spinning the blades. Seriously.
The Goiter hates the wall color, whipping out her Handy Dandy Designer Words handbook to call it too "muddy and saturated." Then she sucks a lollipop and spins the saw blades while Daisy and Vern look at the room.
Daisy actually likes the saw art, which makes me wonder about Daisy. But she and Vern hate the daybed and daisy comments that the holes are so big you get blinded by the lights.
The Goiter stops sucking....the lollipop, people, get your minds out of the gutter...long enough to say she likes the tape.
I imagine she and a certain HGTV exec like to tape each other up.

Britany and Mikel get a Bedroom
Mikel shows up in red wine pants, so the whole question of whether he's gay or not is answered without having to say a word. He calls his style Vintage Chic AKA Recycled Gay Male, and warns that even though he has a manicure, he'll get his hands dirty.
Britany Not Spears, though it's hard to tell the difference, tells us she's a designer and a photographer so she'll have an edge creating rooms that look good in pictures. Not rooms that look good for a client, mind you. But she's build, she says, because she wears pink. This will not end well.
His item is a globe he's covered in chalkboard paint, which.....I have no idea what that means. Her item is an ottoman which she covered in fabric which means she knows a fabric store and has a staple gun. Still, both their items are black, and so The Gay Guy and The Blonde seem to hit it off.
She creates a piece of wall art, and he picks the paint color. She doesn't like the color, so she picks a deeper shade, and now he can't take credit for that either. Mikel needs to find "his moment". 
Mikel takes an ottoman and covers it with a shower curtain because that screams vintage, which is his style. Shower curtains? Style? Honey. No. 
The Goiter liked Britany's lattice molding, because molding is design, and she mentions it in every single room. She also loves the ottoman.
That's all the critique we get of the Britany-Mikel Bedroom, so I'm assuming their safe because they're really not worth mentioning further....

Hilari-I'd-Like-To-Buy-An-'e' and Rachel Kate are given the Den
Rachel shows up in plaid, but she isn't a lesbian, she's just a bad dresser, who apparently has no gay male friends to tell her plaid doesn't work. She plays the 'I left my child to come here' and gets that Teary Edit.
Hilari-I'd-Like-To-Buy-An-'e' is a self-taught stylist and calls her style Glitzy Transitional. [Note to designers: don't just take two random words, slap 'em together and call 'em a style.] And she said Glitzy with Jazz Hands. Di.Va. She brought as her POV item a leopard pillow. I don't know what to say about tha.....
Yes I do. Leopard.Is.Over!
Rachel brought a large white acrylic moosehead which she says shows off her "high fashion outdoor girl" style, while I think it really says, "Home Goods had a sale."
The den is a mess. Rachel paints a giant 10-x-10 black square on one wall and slaps the moosehead right in the middle, while Hilari-I'd-Like-To-Buy-An-'e' builds a molding installation and slaps a tiny TV right in the middle. The room has two focal points and yet I find it hard to look at either one.
Hilari-I'd-Like-To-Buy-An-'e' also buys a barfy gray-brown comfy sofa and calls it a day. Oh, but she tosses the leopard pillow onto the couch, so there's that.
Vern likes the moosehead on the black wall because, well, he's an idiot who has no discernible HGTV style or even an HGTV show of his own. He also calls the black painted, cut from plywood, coffee table that Rachel made "high end" as if to further prove my point.
The Goiter loves the couch, which means she loves how Hilari-I'd-Like-To-Buy-An-'e'  shops, but, and this is a shocker, she doesn't like the molding. I think her HGTV exec married-with-children boyfriend told her to stop being so one-note.

Yuki and Stanley get the Designer Lounge AKA The Garage
Yuki tells us she's married, with children and, well, that's all we get. She seems out of her element from the get go and I begin hearing ominous drumming in the background.
Stanley is a big-gunned, tattooed, seventies hair wearing, metal sculpting doofus, and I think I’m in least once I get the clippers out and take care of that hair.
He’s brought a metal sculpture as his POV and instantly says he'll take it, expand it, and make a window installation out of it. Stanley ain't messing around.
Yuki, however, brought a decoupaged fleur de lis which, well, has no meaning whatsoever and she cannot even begin to think of how she'll place it in the room.
She can think, though, or painting two walls royal purple, and two walls pea soup puke green and then buying a twelve-foot neon orange couch for the room.
Yes, she did. Her one saving grace was the striped flooring created from laying two different colored woods down on the floor. I'll give her that.
But then I move on because we get to see Manly Stanley welding. On a table. Welding. Big guns. Welding. Hot but dumb. Welding. His art piece turns out very cool, and, of course, fits the window perfectly.
Yuki, however, isn’t so lucky. She decides that her fleur de lis needs to be a part of a collage created from making a paper sign that tells where the designers come from, with neon painted empty picture frames and crumpled pieces of paper. Seriously. Her designer aesthetic is My Six year Old Could Do This.
Of course, everyone loved the sculpture, and they loved the flooring. Vern said the paint colors were so awful they could be seen on the inside of his eyelids. And they all agree that Yuki's collage was a giant waste of time and space.

Jordan and Miera get a Bedroom
Jordan. I’ll stop for a moment because I love that accent. I don't care if he designs at all, just let him talk. And talk he does about Mikel's wine-colored pants, so i see a lovely little Besties Couple being made right before my eyes.
Miera tells us she's 63, though he bio says she's 64, and she spends most of the show talking about how old she is and how it's been forty years since she's sewn, or handpainted a wall, or, well, been young.
Jordan's POV piece is a very sexy--and I'm not saying this because he's Aussie, I’m saying it because it's true--Plexiglas end table. I immediately make a mental note to find out where he sells that table. Miera brought a blue and white vase because she lives in Florida and she likes all things coats and she's old and retired and .... yeah.
She shows her age by suggesting they use a soft basket-weave textile to make a headboard and luckily for her, and us, Jordan nixes the idea and fins a metallic alligator print.
Of course, the print doesn't come in a roll of fabric, it actually comes cut in hides, and so there is drama over how to make headboards. Remember, Miera hasn't sewn since she made the Stars and Stripes a few hundred years ago, but Jordan decides to make the headboard out of smaller square so the hides can simple be stapled to them and all is saved.
Vern loves the "specialness" of Miera's hand-painted, really wobbly, chevron pattern on the wall, while Daisy never met a metallic animal hide print that didn't strike her fancy. The Goiter liked the headboards.

Instantly BritanyBarbie and Mikel are safe; as are Jordan--and his accent--and Miera--and her Imodium AD. The others represent both the best and the worst of show.
Vern loved Danielle and Luca's great room; he loved the paint and the photos. Daisy liked that they took the great room and made it like a chic hotel lobby, which is something everyone wants in their home.
But The Goiter asked Luca what exactly he did in the room, and his ego came out. He "brought it to the table" and then he "worked with the carpenter" and he "figured out how to get molding that big in there."
In other words, he was a handyman. But The Goiter soothed his savage beast by telling him she loved the couches he bought, making this, not Design Star, but Design Shopper.
Danielle and Luca are safe.
The Goiter turned to the 'r's in her handbook of Design Terms and said she loved Hilari-I'd-Like-To-Buy-An-'e'  and Rachel's "little reprieve" whatever that means. Vern loved the coffee table. Daisy again mentioned the moosehead.
Hilari-I'd-Like-To-Buy-An-'e' and Rachel are safe, and Rachel actually is declared the winner.
That, in my mind, does not bode well. A black square and a plywood table are winning? Even Charlie Sheen finds that incredulous.
For Bex and Kris, The Goiter loves the little "vignette" of the taped table and the matchstick; she hated the color. Vern complimented the Saw Art, but Daisy said design isn't just about art installation.
Thank you Daisy.
And they all hated the day bed.
Just before being told they were safe, though, Daisy leapt from behind the judges table, tore that stupid hat off Bex's head and stomped it into the ground. I'd like Daisy back every week please.
Which brings us to what I like to call YukiStan, and the awful room. The floor gets points, the paint colors get points taken away. The sculpture gets points, the collage get points taken off.
You know what's happening.
Yuki goes home. And deservedly so. What isn't deserving is that Manly Stanley gets the bottom slot because Bex and Kris should have been there for saw blades and tape. His sculpture was easily the best use by any designer for the POV piece.

My Take
Not one room looks designed. they look, as Nina Garcia might say, on that other show, hand-sewn.
It's a "design" show and yet people get props for the couches they bought.
It's a design show and people get props for the pieces of art they made in a horribly colored room.
I mean, if you're gonna call it Design Star, talk design. Talk about how the whole room works, not how the coffee table looks good, or that chevron pattern is cool. How did the two designers create a good room, if they did?
Luca is arrogant.
Jordan needs to talk more.
Kris is a bitch.
Bex is a geek.
Stanley is a big lovable galoot.
Britany is Britany. 
Hilari needs to lay off the leopard.
Mikel needs to be more fabulously gay.
Miera needs to stop being ageist.
Danielle needs to be more memorable because seriously, i had to go back and see who I missed.
Rachel Kate needs to.....which one is Rachel Kate?
Bring back Candice.
Lose the Goiter because she's nothing but an HGTV commercial whore.
Lose Vern Yip because, although he actually is a designer, he does nothing for HGTV except judge this show and look cute in his little boy clothes.
Make it about design. And talent. Not good shopping and painting ability.

Thousands Show Up In Support Of The LGBT Community In Anti-Worley March

Last Sunday more than 2,000 protesters, armed with signs and slogans, lined ,Southwest Boulevard in Newton, North Carolina, to protest the May 13 sermon by Charles Worley, pastor of Providence Road Baptist Church, in which called for all gays and lesbians to be imprisoned behind an electric fence.
Hmmmm. Maybe an electric fence around North Carolina is in order?
The protesters carried signs in support of the LGBT community; some said things like, “Jesus had 2 dads and he turned out just fine,” and “I am a gay, moral, conservative Christian.”
The local sheriff department and Newton police officers kept the peace as the protesters stood by the side of the road and cheered every time a car drove past and honked in approval.
Of course, there was a counter-protest, as some folks supported Worley and his church, just like some folks in Nazi Germany supported Hitler and his regime. Still, the numbers were way off balance, with just about fifty people carrying signs that said things like, “Sodomites are vile, unnatural and worthy of death. Romans 1:21-32.” And “Gay pride is why Sodom got fried.”
Catawba Valley Citizens Against Hate member Laura Tipton, the protest’s organizer explained her goals for the event: “Hopefully our protest today will send a message that we, as a community, as a state and as a country, will not stand in the background in silent acceptance. This protest has grown beyond Pastor Worley. I hope his congregation sees that we are gathering in love. Their messages are wrong, and we will not accept them.”
Tipton contacted "Pastor"Worley after his sermon, and while he said he made a bad choice in his words, he did not apologize for what he said.
Hitler didn't apologize, either. Let's not ever forget that.....

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Design Star! It's Baaaaaack!

Design Star starts tonight, and I predict another season of hot messes and cold bitches, hot gay guys and gay guys who missed the memo about scarves.
Um, yeah, you Kris.
I see meltdowns and breakdowns, and catfights and unfinished kitchens. I see Vern Yippie-Aye-Kay-Yay-Yay-I-wanna-be-a-cowboy-when-I-grow-up, alongside Genevieve The Goiter, who, legend has it--and by Legend, I mean Me--slept her way to the middle. What I am not seeing is Candice, and I'm not happy about that.
But it should be another season worth remembering like last year when.....what was his or her name? You know? The one who one?
Anyway, here are our contestants and their creds and some judgments from me based solely on their HGTV Bios and their photos because that's how I roll.
Let's do this.....

Bex Hale is 37, and hails from Abilene, Texas.
First off, we'll have to find a special locker for that hat. Seriously, i haven't seen such a ridiculous hat since Fergie's kids went to a wedding.
Originally from Portland, Oregon, Bex moved to Texas to pursue her education at Abilene Christian University. After graduating with a B.S. in industrial technology, she opened her own retail home furnishings store where she discovered her passion for interiors. 
As a self-taught designer, Bex has undertaken a variety of design projects for commercial and residential clients, as well as corporate events. 
To Bex, design is a visual story that takes viewers on a journey and she describes her favorite design style as "art eco," which is an artistic, eco-friendly design using industrial materials, rich warm tones and clean lines. 
Granola, nuts, and bolts.
Britany Simon is the youngest of our contestants at just 28, and she comes to us from Phoenix.
Britany discovered her knack for design years ago when she and her sister redecorated Barbie’s dream home. 
Yeah, you read that right. Barbie's.Dream.House. But she's blond and perky and, well, she could be smart. She really could. Though I won't be holding my breath that Mensa has her on speed dial.
After graduating from Arizona State University with a bachelor’s degree in business and interior design, Britany launched her career by working for several design firms where she focused on residential flooring, cabinets, and kitchen and bath design. Today Britany is a designer and account executive at a home building retailer--like maybe Lowes?--as well as a photographer and home stager for her own design firm. 
When it comes to designing a space, Britany says, she loves the challenge of creating something fabulous on a budget. She describes her style as eclectic and edgy with touches of “glam-chic.”
Prissy beauty queen.
Danielle Colding is 36 and from Queens, N.Y.
A former professional modern dancer, Danielle made the leap--Get it? A Dance reference? Leap? I'll stop--to being an interior designer in New York. She also has Bachelor of Arts in anthropology from Stanford--as do most interior designers--and an associates degree in interior design from the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandise in Los Angeles.
And she has that smile that says, Hi, I'm smiling but I'd just as soon nailgun you to a wall. Danger Will Robinson, Danger!
Today, Danielle owns her own design firm, and calls herself a problem solver--meaning she'll be The Bitchy One--and uses her open, friendly and quirky personality to connect with her clients. She characterizes her design style as global chic, classic modern and edited traditional.
In other words, it's just a bunch of stuff.
Hilari Younger is 31 and is coming to Design Star from Big D--Dallas!
She'd also like to buy an 'e'. Just sayin'.
Plus, she looks mean, and I'm thinking she wears the bangs to hide her gang tat. Just sayin'....again.
She discovered her passion for design as a child when she wanted to redo her bedroom every few months; hey, it's better than redesigning a plastic house for a doll, eh?
After studying fashion merchandising and public relations at Howard University and getting on-the-job design training in retail establishments, restaurants, home stores and real estate firms, Hilari found her way to commercial and residential design. 
Today she is a mom, a self-employed contractor and an interior stylist who has completed dozens of design projects ranging from apartment lobbies to model homes and offices. 
Inspired by fashion and classic movies, Hilari says she loves reviving vintage looks and defines her style as an eclectic mix of ethnic modern and ornate glamour.
More eclectic. More glam. More yawn.
Jordan Cappella is 40, and might be The Gay One....I kid. The Gay One? He comes from Venice, California, though he was born and raised in in Sydney, Australia.
Uh oh, Australian accent? I might start melting now.
Jordan moved to the United States 16 years ago to study interior design, and studied at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York, before returning to Australia to take on his first project: redesigning his mother's beauty salon. 
Gay. Manscaping. Trendy hair. Gay.
Back in America, Jordan expanded his design horizons with projects such as restaurants, homes and apartments, as well as a homeless shelter.
Oh goddess. Accent. Gay. Helping the homeless. It's like he's Down Under Carlos, which might be an entirely different blog post.
Inspired by designs from the '50s, '60s and '70s, Jordan says his favorite design styles are Hollywood regency, modern and art deco. He also has his own furniture line, and says he loves to push design boundaries by mixing unexpected patterns and bold colors that most people would never imagine.
Kris Swift is 34 and also comes to us from Texas. What is it with designers from Texas? I don't want no stinking boots and animal skulls in my designs, y'hear?
Anyway, Kris is originally from Ontario, Canada, and says he grew up knowing he was destined to be a designer. 
Gay. Nerdy gay. Gay who doesn't get the daily fashion updates from Homo HQ where the scarf was deemed as Bad Accessory # 2378.
Since completing his master's degree in convergent media from the University of Texas, Kris opened his own design business and gained vast residential, commercial and hospitality design experience. 
Inspired by nature and art, Kris characterizes his favorite design style as eclectic, rustic modern and industrial baroque. 
Hey, at least he threw in baroque with the eclectic stuff.
Luca Paganico is 36, and from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Luca says he knew he had a natural passion for design when, as a child, he would frequently rearrange his bedroom and draw on the walls. 
Um, every kid does that, Luca, and I didn't end up on Design Star! Not that I'm jealous or anything.....
Swoon. Me lika Luca.
After graduating with a Bachelor of Arts in industrial design from the Art Institute of Pittsburgh, Luca kick-started his own firm by designing a golf course clubhouse, bars, restaurants and condos. Luca says he loves showing people the fun in design and describes his style as modern and eco-friendly. 
Modern. Eco-friendly. Buzz words. And he made up his own word, "designology", to describe the fusion of two different styles to create a unique new design.
I get the feeling I won't be able to understand him and probably won't care.
Miera Melba is the oldest of the group at 64, and comes to us from Delray Beach, Florida.
Born in Amsterdam, Netherlands, Miera says her love of art and drawing was first inspired by her father, who was an award-winning window dresser. After studying art at Calvin College and earning a real estate license, Miera worked as a receptionist in a home development sales office where she had the opportunity to join the in-house design firm. 
Secretary to designer?
I'd say that as the oldest designer she may be like a fish outta water here, but she's got that Katey Sagal Sons of Anarchy vibe about her so i wouldn't turn my back on her.
She later opened her own design firm, which she operated for 28 years, working on condos, high-end homes and coastal residences. Miera, who is an award-winning designer, now works as a residential interior designer and describes her favorite style as seaside coastal, transitional and eclectic.
Mikel Welch, real name Michael, is 32 and is from New Yawk, New Yawk.
He is a self-taught designer, having gone from a sales associate to a professional set designer and prop stylist for shows such as Glam Fairy and Jerseylicious
Reality TV design?
I sense Sassy Black Gay Man or Don Cheadle Designer, and I'll take either one.
After completing a Bachelor of Arts in business from Morehouse College in Atlanta, Mikel pursued his dreams to design and stage restaurants, showrooms, residences and model homes. He says his favorite design styles are modern, transitional and midcentury. 
What? No eclectic? Michael, er, Mikel?
He also loves simple, commonsense design solutions, and says he can visualize the full potential of any space, whether it requires repurposing furniture or adding wallpaper to a ceiling.
Oh, and Gay.
Rachel Kate is from Minneapolis, Minnesota where it's cold and she figured she'd keep better. Get it? I lurve an MTM reference.
Anyway, she's 35 and, instead of joining the family motorcycle business--dyke on bike?--Rachel followed her passion for design, which she says began in the fourth grade while she was sketching fashion and interior designs for fun. 
In high school, she developed her natural talents by painting fabrics, sewing clothes and reupholstering chairs to sell to friends and family. Rachel has completed more than 50 home decor projects, 20 full remodels and 20 new-construction projects. 
First thought? Um, Rhoda, er, Rachel? You dress like you're from Minnesota and shop at the Michelle Bachmann House Of GOP Clothing. Stop. Just stop.
Currently, Rachel is a mom who runs her own freelance design business and believes there are no limits with design. 
She characterizes her style as eclectic rustic, antique French and coastal beach house.
Stanley Palmieri is 34, and also from Pittsburgh. I think he and Luca Paganico are a couple. Or not. But I'll hold that image in my head a while longer.
At any rate, I think 1979 called and want their hair back.
Stanley says he can build anything he imagines and graduated with a Bachelor of Fine Arts from West Virginia University and a Master of Fine Arts from The State University of New York.
He discovered his love of interior design when landscape design and construction clients asked for his opinion about their home interiors. He works as a construction project manager at a general contracting firm and describes his favorite design styles as minimalism, pop art and cubism. 
Stanley says his favorite project was the installation of a popular bar and restaurant in his college town--a space he transformed from a parking garage.
Maybe not so gay.
Yuki Northington is 43 and from Bay Saint Louis, Mississippi.
A mother of four, Yuki unearthed her design abilities while working as a receptionist at a design/build firm. 
Secretary to designer, too.
I can smell the Aqua Net in her hair just from this picture. Do not like a match near this blog post or the whole thing could blow!
With a Bachelor of Arts in painting from the University of Missouri and a Bachelor of Arts in interior design from the University of Northern Iowa, Yuki is an interior designer, artist and retail store owner who has designed law offices, health care facilities, residences and commercial sites. 
Influenced by fashion and jewelry trends, Yuki says she loves mixing classic and modern styles in any home design project. She describes her personal style favorites as eclectic, Gothic Tudor and coastal casual.
Eclec......what? And you just know, that with a name like Yuki, I'll make joke after joke about her designs being yucky.
That's how I play.

So, there you have this year's crop of losers, homos and bitches. And I say that with love.
Let the games begin. And look for my snark-tatsic review of EpOne tomorrow afternoon!